Someone suggested a joke thread............................

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I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL
notes written by PARENTS in a school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT
3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S.
NOTE: [WORDS IN (** )'s WERE CROSSED OUT.
12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT.
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT
WAS SUNDAY.
17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES.
18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK,
 
KayTheCurler said:
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL
notes written by PARENTS in a school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.
1-- MY SON IS UNDER A DOCTOR'S CARE AND SHOULD NOT TAKE PE TODAY. PLEASE EXECUTE HIM.
2-- PLEASE EXKUCE LISA FOR BEING ABSENT SHE WAS SICK AND I HAD HER SHOT
3-- DEAR SCHOOL: PLEASE ECSC's JOHN BEING ABSENT ON JAN. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 AND ALSO 33.
4-- PLEASE EXCUSE GLORIA FROM JIM TODAY. SHE IS ADMINISTRATING.
5-- PLEASE EXCUSE ROLAND FROM P.E. FOR A FEW DAYS. YESTERDAY HE FELL OUT OF A TREE AND MISPLACED HIS HIP.
6-- JOHN HAS BEEN ABSENT BECAUSE HE HAD TWO TEETH TAKEN OUT OF HIS FACE.
7-- CARLOS WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE WAS PLAYING FOOTBALL. HE WAS HURT IN THE GROWING PART.
8-- MEGAN COULD NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY BECAUSE SHE HAS BEEN BOTHERED BY VERY CLOSE VEINS.
9-- CHRIS WILL NOT BE IN SCHOOL CUS HE HAS AN ACRE IN HIS SIDE.
10-- PLEASE EXCUSE RAY FRIDAY FROM SCHOOL. HE HAS VERY LOOSE VOWELS.
11-- PLEASE EXCUSE PEDRO FROM BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD (DIAHRE, DYREA, DIREATHE), THE SH**S.
NOTE: [WORDS IN (** )'s WERE CROSSED OUT.
12-- PLEASE EXCUSE TOMMY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD DIARRHEA, AND HIS BOOTS LEAK.
13-- IRVING WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE HE MISSED HIS BUST.
14-- PLEASE EXCUSE JIMMY FOR BEING. IT WAS HIS FATHER'S FAULT.
15-- I KEPT BILLIE HOME BECAUSE SHE HAD TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING BECAUSE DON'T KNOW WHAT SIZE SHE WEAR.
16-- PLEASE EXCUSE JENNIFER FOR MISSING SCHOOL YESTERDAY. WE FORGOT TO GET THE SUNDAY PAPER OFF THE PORCH, AND WHEN WE FOUND IT MONDAY. WE THOUGHT IT
WAS SUNDAY.
17-- MY DAUGHTER WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY BECAUSE SHE WAS TIRED. SHE SPENT A WEEKEND WITH THE MARINES.
18-- PLEASE EXCUSE JASON FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. HE HAD A COLD AND COULD NOT BREED WELL.
19-- PLEASE EXCUSE MARY FOR BEING ABSENT YESTERDAY. SHE WAS IN BED WITH GRAMPS.
20-- GLORIA WAS ABSENT YESTERDAY AS SHE WAS HAVING A GANGOVER.
21-- PLEASE EXCUSE BRENDA. SHE HAS BEEN SICK AND UNDER THE DOCTOR.
22-- MARYANN WAS ABSENT DECEMBER 11-16, BECAUSE SHE HAD A FEVER, SORETHROAT, HEADACHE AND UPSET STOMACH. HER SISTER WAS ALSO SICK,
Click to expand...

Folk have always been prone to bad spells ... that's the likes of the word expressed!
 
Me being the type that will say
G as in Gnat or K as in Know
when I am spelling out words for others
coming across this blurb made Me laugh.

Officer : Where to in the US?
Me : San Joeseh.
Officer : It's pronounced as San Hoeseh. The J is pronounced as H in the US.
Me : Oh, Okay!
Officer : So how long do you plan to be in the US?
Me : From Hanuary to Hune or Huly.
Click to expand...
 
Unless its intent was to mock Latinos at the border - there’s a concerted effort to keep them away (and out of the US), regardless of their intentions, as you know. So a little joke like that in a time like this might not be funny, only demeaning, for many. Stinks of propaganda disguised as “just a joke”. Sorry to be a buzzkill but without context of who/ where it came from, and their objective, it doesn’t feel funny right now.
 
Is there any degrading of the English or anything else European noted in the signs?

Some folk are against everything and thus God goes departed as sunder ... but then sunder at one time only meant parted and thus the divine indication of looking for water in an arid place ... perhaps a pun but unintended as you can't say anything on singular terms without it being sucked down by some sole of avarice ...

Is there a hint that the world should all speak America-no as it lies there crying for ayes R-cis? Silly Omb Raes as the rest of the spin knows ...

Yet empire a cysts demand hard shells ... perhaps we were dropped here for the experience of hard living ... those with easy living may have to do it again later ... as one-step-at a time, again and then back-up! TU' stepped out ... TU was once an expression for a tight mind wandering ...

There's probably a myth buried there! I suggest examining some ancient classic tongues that could teach us some alternate history! Jimmy Joyce's pathway ... while jamming out on the bog ... with the devil playing second fiddle ... drawing hare from a hoars voice ... thus Eire farce ... that trapped heh ... Eva on Sundays when secularly sundered!

Asp lit up ... divideD on whether they should ad one like that into a sociopathic association of fear that is paranoic about everything ... vernacular passions as a God?

Whe couldn't have it ... due to the sacred hate ... screwed regardless ... to near blindness ... neigh syndrome? Nothing noted ... and thou's Ur passed ... as a Master Word! Preserved for hard cases ... that believe they know everything but Don ET hurt ... that poking at the voidance ... as nothing incarnated ... out of know where?
 
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Did someone flash ... belly covered by mire scant of thin fabric? Ab Eli Dance Eire in the meadow ... forest clearing ... gaunt or Gump? Apar is gone down ... in fierce giggles ... because 2 out of 3 ain't bad ... the rest can be worked out ... dead as nits! Such is the drive of empire st! Haughty state ... sometimes called hubris ... skewered?

The entire thing is a devastating myth ... thus ass un de ring ... hula hoop? Bums do go round ...
 
This popped up on a desk calendar ... "eat lightly or be consumed by a Black Hole" ... abstraction? --- Paraphrased!

Can we put the light behind us without shadow characters? Casting stewards ... call up something else .. EL's?

Pyre entered the scene a pile of it as imps ... there they gathered ... like sparks in the night ... Nacht Early ... for that's how sacredness erupts ... why? Still, we don't know the answer ... but mess around with the evidence ...

Consider it a sign, icon, or aphorism that we know little of ... by the looks of what we've accomplished ...
 
Can people learn of nothing if it has departed? What apparently was disposed in the first place ... where it initially come down?

Eclectic? Potentially ... forming a gap eh ... the vocation of :"Bung" who was enthralled if not intoxicated by the vocation ... the space was filled and the whine contained ... as if they couldn't hold it ...

Breaks some folks into blithering everything ... if you do code it! So the receivers of the grace are stunned ... its a given like AD onus ... few read intuit! That's deeper still ... still de s' posed ... out of here and now ...
 
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KayTheCurler said:
I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are REAL
notes written by PARENTS in a school district. (Spellings have been left intact.) Most of them are funny, but some are just sad.
Click to expand...
My Dad did this on purpose. He would write a legit sick note, but include a couple of options we could tear off like, "Please 'scuse ____ for being absent. I kep 'er home to tend the hawgs".
 
A man with a serious stutter was convicted of a terrible crime, and was sentenced to fifty years.

His victims are worried that he will never finish his sentence.
 
Redbaron said:
A man with a serious stutter was convicted of a terrible crime, and was sentenced to fifty years.

His victims are worried that he will never finish his sentence.
Click to expand...

It is just ... how he goes ... he has to because of Oli Han ... came up and gripped him as slick as can be ... pithy as NU' Cid? It's a wrap ...

Sweet lip seize ... succour Buss? Drawn into the mystery ... ongoing? That's loose Ah ... duck ... for birds are frightening to many ... get one for talking to yah,. for yah or maybe right through yah ... as critical A? Restart ... another one down ... runt ova ... folly Kohl ... something TU't ... can't EL from a point ... move it ...
 
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Thus Oliph (Alef) arts ... source of everything slick ... these just slide by ... some construct of fatty acids required as in phosphor limbic applications ... leading to ATP -ADP relaxations ... cereal or serious? Pottage ... fer the brae 'n ... a wrinkled organ ... a dog's brain is smooth! They can disappear in a park ...

Some reflection of the use of glia co phosphate may be of use ... thus ganglia ... breachers! Myth of little things prone to meth!
 
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human,
because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

A little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."​
 
Twas a Wahl of a story when carved into the stone barrier ... that barrier along the stream creating a fertile vale ... there on one Sunday Morn ... something was cooked up ... the ultimate caldron as sacred? Twilight?

This zone is a bit grey ... lying between two states or comprehension opened to ... open portals of an alien sort (those that grasp are told to keep their head down). Com memorizing ... the beginning of longer-term communication ... that's the word and why tyrants do not wish you to know what they did ... compatriots of the alternate world of info manifested as fact ... when it is not (presents as incarnate). I mentioned Nate in another string about chariots ... contemplators? Con temp Late Eves ... string that!
 
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There is po' et Rae and there is porne (an old Greek word for naked virtue). With adequate dirt this can be buried and sacred ... thus poor no graphic ... materialism appearing in the shades ... merrily dancing about ... mystical? Absorb that ... what's that that can be absorbed from what was dark? Nothing but intellect ... un grasped due to excess spirits ... demonstrated in a song originating in an airport in Miami ... hosted by a old black man in grey ... he was cleaning up ... alludes to lycopene ... comes from melons ... go figure!
 
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