Pinga
Room for All
i can't recollect what caused me to quit posting on Wondercafe one day.
I am sure that I was tired.
Tired of what?
Tired of the back & forth, the ongoing same voices, the posts that don't discuss the topic, but, instead get into old arguments. Tired of the amount of time it took to navigate postings, to figure out how to respond that didn't start someone bickering, or how to encourage good dialogue on threads that i was on.
I am sure that there was lots going on in my life. I am sure that my tolerance was low.
I also know that I no longer shared what was going on in my life on wondercafe.
Why?
I don't trust the community to engage in a supportive fashion or in a way that I could process. That is my lack of trust not the people on the site are not trustworthy.
I remember with fondness the learnings that I had during times when I was struggling with an item. I remember with fondness the support that I had when struggling with putting down a cat (a simple thing) and my mother's death.
I recognize that I have not shared that kind of openness in this space for a long time.
I also had other avenues
I started sharing more writing on facebook, and dialoguing on facebook groups.
(I found that these are lacking. They don't have the potential that wondercafe has had in the past, but...wondercafe hadn't reached its potential for me for a long time)
I also then realized, no one cared that I wasn't present
Although I had been one of the more active members on wondercafe, a member of council and a founding member, no one reached out to say "hey". Not one.
Oh, I did get a comment to say that someone was asking about me, and wondering where i was.
I also got a question about my role.
But there was no "You are missed". "how are you", "are you ok"
or "why don't you pop in for a short visit on this thread, it's a good one"
So, then, it became a study, I wondered when or if, anyone will reach out.
It reminded me of churches where people disappear and everyone is going to reach out, but no one does.
Where presumptions are held regarding why someone has left.
And, to be honest, if I remember correctly, the reason that I came back was Mendalla tagged me regarding an upgrade item (or possibly council, or maybe both)
I had responded to him on a few other admin items over the last year.
So, when I come back, what do i find.
a) conversations about Jae
b) the same old digs and back/forths
c) RedBaron adding his wonderful gift to Room for All. Thank-you @Redbaron
d) the same folks trying to write thoughtful posts and lifting their eyes up to conversation.
I'm trying to find that jewel that I remember.
I remember with fondness the learnings that I had during times when I was struggling with an item.
I remember with fondness the support that I had when my son's cat had to be put down, and when my Mom died.
I remember the learnings that I had in watching people talk through complex topics, with deep listening and response. Posts from lay and minister alike.
I am sure that I was tired.
Tired of what?
Tired of the back & forth, the ongoing same voices, the posts that don't discuss the topic, but, instead get into old arguments. Tired of the amount of time it took to navigate postings, to figure out how to respond that didn't start someone bickering, or how to encourage good dialogue on threads that i was on.
I am sure that there was lots going on in my life. I am sure that my tolerance was low.
I also know that I no longer shared what was going on in my life on wondercafe.
Why?
I don't trust the community to engage in a supportive fashion or in a way that I could process. That is my lack of trust not the people on the site are not trustworthy.
I remember with fondness the learnings that I had during times when I was struggling with an item. I remember with fondness the support that I had when struggling with putting down a cat (a simple thing) and my mother's death.
I recognize that I have not shared that kind of openness in this space for a long time.
I also had other avenues
I started sharing more writing on facebook, and dialoguing on facebook groups.
(I found that these are lacking. They don't have the potential that wondercafe has had in the past, but...wondercafe hadn't reached its potential for me for a long time)
I also then realized, no one cared that I wasn't present
Although I had been one of the more active members on wondercafe, a member of council and a founding member, no one reached out to say "hey". Not one.
Oh, I did get a comment to say that someone was asking about me, and wondering where i was.
I also got a question about my role.
But there was no "You are missed". "how are you", "are you ok"
or "why don't you pop in for a short visit on this thread, it's a good one"
So, then, it became a study, I wondered when or if, anyone will reach out.
It reminded me of churches where people disappear and everyone is going to reach out, but no one does.
Where presumptions are held regarding why someone has left.
And, to be honest, if I remember correctly, the reason that I came back was Mendalla tagged me regarding an upgrade item (or possibly council, or maybe both)
I had responded to him on a few other admin items over the last year.
So, when I come back, what do i find.
a) conversations about Jae
b) the same old digs and back/forths
c) RedBaron adding his wonderful gift to Room for All. Thank-you @Redbaron
d) the same folks trying to write thoughtful posts and lifting their eyes up to conversation.
I'm trying to find that jewel that I remember.
I remember with fondness the learnings that I had during times when I was struggling with an item.
I remember with fondness the support that I had when my son's cat had to be put down, and when my Mom died.
I remember the learnings that I had in watching people talk through complex topics, with deep listening and response. Posts from lay and minister alike.