Separate beds

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Mendalla

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Sarah Blackwood of Burlington, Ontario-based band Walk Off the Earth has recently started a vlog (video blog) on her Youtube channel. Her second entry is about her sleeping arrangements at home. Sarah's husband is fellow WOTE member Gianni Luminati, with whom she has three children. Apparently, since her first pregnancy, they have slept in separate rooms. Not just separate beds, but separate rooms. Now, I have heard of older couples doing this due to health issues and such, but Sarah and Gianni are fairly young (she's 38 per wiki, can't find an age for Gianni but probably similar) and the reasons seem to be more about differing sleep styles and things like that.


Anyhow, what do you think of the idea? Know anyone who does it? Does anyone here have an arrangement like theirs? I certainly don't. Our sleep styles are definitely different, but we've accommodated in other ways.
 
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Sarah Blackwood of Burlington, Ontario-based band Walk Off the Earth has recently started a vlog (video blog) on her Youtube channel. Her second entry is about her sleeping arrangements at home. Sarah's husband is fellow WOTE member Gianni Luminati, with whom she has three children. Apparently, since her first pregnancy, they have slept in separate rooms. Not just separate beds, but separate rooms. Now, I have heard of older couples doing this due to health issues and such, but Sarah and Gianni are fairly young (she's 38 per wiki, can't find an age for Gianni but probably similar) and the reasons seem to be more about differing sleep styles and things like that.


Anyhow, what do you think of the idea? Know anyone who does it? Does anyone here have an arrangement like theirs? I certainly don't. Our sleep styles are definitely different, but we've accommodated in other ways.
Yep. My friend and her common law partner sleep in separate rooms. She was happily single for a long time - but they hit it off and sort of organically developed a committed relationship, moved in together - and she feels that she needs her own space to sleep in - snores, tossing and turning, farting under the covers, stealing the blankets...it's just not part of that deal, thank you very much (according to her). I do know nothing was wrong with their sex life - she told me - but that's just not a compromise she would make for their relationship. Unless they are guests at someone else's house. They've been together for about 10 yrs. He's the longest and most commital "romantic" relationship she's ever had.
 
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ChemGal

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Sometimes. With my asthma flaring up right now, Chemguy is complaining I've been snoring (my guess is it's a bit different from a typical snore) so we have been sleeping in different rooms a fair bit. Last night, with this being a weekend we shared the bed.
Reasons for us being in different rooms vary - tossing and turning, sometimes I do better on a couch with the arm rest elevating me (lymph nodes and breathing), different sleeping hours, sometimes I just want to fall asleep while watching tv and Chemguy certain doesn't want that playing when he's trying to sleep, if he has something contagious we'll often sleep apart in an attempt to keep me as healthy as I can be. When he has a fair bit of driving for work I want him to get as good of sleep as he can for safety reasons. Sometimes it's not even deliberate, I'll fall asleep on the couch without planning to and end up there for the night.

It's hard to put a number on together/apart as one and the other often happens in long chunks, plus there are times where I'll be on the couch and I'll move to the bed in the wee hours of the morning. Or we start together and Chemguy's finding that I'm making too much noise so he moves partway through the night.

I would guess we're in the same bed for the majority of sleeping hours (say 2 hours after he goes to bed until he gets up, as I often get my energy around 10, 11 pm, so 1 am bedtime isn't unusual especially if I had an early evening nap) at least 50% of the time.
 

ChemGal

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I think this is fairly common for couples with a newborn if one is working and the other is at home AND they have the space for it. Especially if the one staying home is breastfeeding. That way the one working can actually be more helpful as they aren't as sleep deprived when there really isn't much benefit for them being awake for 3am feedings.
 

paradox3

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We did it for a few days with our first newborn but it wasn't necessary for very long. Mr Paradox quickly adapted to sleeping through those cries while I always heard them immediately.

All part of the breastfeeding relationship.
 

BetteTheRed

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Yes, I kept my babies in a cradle by my side of the bed while they were still nursing at night.

I don't know why some people do it to themselves. At the end of my 12-year marriage, I was profoundly sleep deprived, having spent 12 years in a double bed with a man who snored louder than I've ever heard, had terrible sleep apnea and thrashed, so any bed mate was reduced to about 1/4 of the bed. At my age, should I ever be in another romantic relationship (highly unlikely), I would have to have my own bed and bedroom.
 

GO3838

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Separate beds (and bedrooms) has long been judged as a sign of a dysfunctional marriage/relationship.

However, as long as the relationship is healthy and happy, and full of respect, then no one should pass judgement on what works for that couple.
 

Mendalla

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Separate beds (and bedrooms) has long been judged as a sign of a dysfunctional marriage/relationship.
I knew a couple who did it because she had a bad back and needed special sleeping arrangements. Nothing dysfunctional but her spine (and she did get surgery for it, IIRC, though it was some time ago and I haven't seen her recently).
 

Carolla

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Separate beds (and bedrooms) has long been judged as a sign of a dysfunctional marriage/relationship.
I think this is generally held to be true - and I wonder where the idea even came from?
 

GO3838

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I think this is generally held to be true - and I wonder where the idea even came from
I'm guessing because one of the traditional reasons for marriage was procreation, and there won't be much procreation if they have separate sleeping arrangements.

And for years, consummation was a legal requirement for a marriage. A marriage could be annulled if it could be proven that the marriage was never consummated, and separate sleeping arrangements could have been considered evidence.

Thankfully, those laws have changed now in Canada (at least the secular versions, as opposed to the religious ones...)
It's legally only the married couple's business whether they choose to "consummate" the marriage or not.
 

DaisyJane

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I can totally see why sleeping separately might be a good thing. My husband snores. Like a bulldozer. These days I go to sleep before he does, so I am often deeply asleep when he comes to bed and I don't hear him at that point. But I often wake up around 2am and check on Matthew. I can never get back to sleep at that point because of the snoring. Usually after a bit I give up and sleep in our guest room.

I love my husband and would love to wake up next to him. But I love sleep as well.
 

Seeler

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GO3838 - seperate beds doesn't mean no sex - just better sleep. Just tha you have a choice of which bed to cuddle in. And that you have a choice spending the night together, or at some point one or the other going to the other bed. Before Seelerman discovered how comfortable the spare bed is at a time when I had a cold, I frequently ended up on the livingroom couch by 4 AM because I didn't want my restless to disturb his sleep.
Advantages of seperate rooms:
go to bed or get up according to your own schedule
lights on to read, or music on as you wish
windowopen or closed
as many (or few) blankets as you want
night light or total darkness in room
cough, sneeze or blow your nose without getting up and going to another room.
handy for breast feeding or calming small children in the night
waking up with the cat purring in your ear.
 

Mendalla

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GO3838 - seperate beds doesn't mean no sex - just better sleep.
This. I mean, look at the video in my OP. They started this arrangement when she was pregnant with number one and they've had two more so sex is definitely happening. :D Though with them being on tour so much (WOTE seems to be contesting for the title of hardest working band in Canada), maybe it happens on the road. And, yes, they do often take the kids along.
 

GO3838

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GO3838 - seperate beds doesn't mean no sex - just better sleep.
Absolutely. That's why the first thing I posted on this thread was that as long as the relationship was healthy and happy, no one should pass judgement on what works for that couple.
 

GiancarloZ

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My wife and I sleep in separate rooms because she says I snore louder than an old John Deere :rolleyes:
I really appreciate having my own bed and corner, though.

For me it isn't a big issue, as my grandparents on both sides always slept in different bedrooms. It is/was the norm in Brazil for middle to upper class people born before the 1960s.
 

GiancarloZ

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I can totally see why sleeping separately might be a good thing. My husband snores. Like a bulldozer. These days I go to sleep before he does, so I am often deeply asleep when he comes to bed and I don't hear him at that point. But I often wake up around 2am and check on Matthew. I can never get back to sleep at that point because of the snoring. Usually after a bit I give up and sleep in our guest room.

I love my husband and would love to wake up next to him. But I love sleep as well.
I also snore very loud and my wife sent me to the other bedroom in the first weeks of marriage...
 

Nancy

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I toss and turn so much, it's a wonder my husband hasn't kicked me out, or vacated the bedroom. Thankfully, he is a sound sleeper.
 

KayTheCurler

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So many snorers! Just wondering how many of you have been tested (and if possible, treated} for sleep apnea. It isn't just about the noise - sleep apnea can bring on heart disease and other unpleasant things.
 

BetteTheRed

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Agreed. My ex-hubby only lived to 62. It was cancer, caused by smoking/alcoholism, but he also had terrible sleep apnea. His breathing always distressed me.
 

GiancarloZ

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So many snorers! Just wondering how many of you have been tested (and if possible, treated} for sleep apnea. It isn't just about the noise - sleep apnea can bring on heart disease and other unpleasant things.
I got tested some years ago and the cause of my snore was plain obesity. As I haven't got thin, I think it's still the same cause...
Which in itself isn't much better than sleeping apnea. But losing weight is a big challenge for me.
 
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