Resiliency

Welcome to Wondercafe2!

A community where we discuss, share, and have some fun together. Join today and become a part of it!

Register Log in
JayneWonders

JayneWonders

Administrator
Pronouns
She/Her/Her
First, where does it belong? Relationship health and aging

Here is a definition

the capacity to withstand or to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
"the remarkable resilience of so many institutions"

Do you like the term?

If yes or no, why?

How has it applies to you
 
Here is another one:
Resilience refers to the ability to successfully adapt to stressors, maintaining psychological well-being in the face of adversity. It's the ability to “bounce back” from difficult experiences. Resilience is not a trait that people either have or don't have.
And:
the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

I am thinking of nature and it’s amazing built in resilience.
( unfortunately, we have been stretching it to to it’s limits).
I like the word, because it gives hope. We all have resilience to a certain degree and everyone has the possibility to increase one’s own resilience actively. I think it should actually
be taught in school.

 
When I was a teacher in the primary grades, our school board bought a puppet program that was precisely scripted and intended to improve resiliency in our students. I agreed that resiliency was a desirable outcome, helpful to the growing up process. But I didn’t agree that the expensive program was the solution.
 
In rheumatoid syndrome it relates to sclerosis or thickening and thus one gets the stick to sail out 've here & now periodically while establishing connections to the abstract side ... that's not soma but sole M'N! Conditioning for the great rest ... the hard stuff being the left behind tribe ... cleavage is just part of dissociation theory ... Karl Barth wrote of it as cryptic ... part of the catacombs? Entangled underground ... partisan learning as peers/Pi'rs in the phoresy ... tri's being marked for stumpage ... folk that need to get up there and rant about all they've failed to get ... avarice? Do applets fall or be just folly?

Listen to the powers and their supporters as if they were deficient or derelict ... yet can't see it for density ... may be gold, irony or just silly Ca as material at the core ... form the mantle also ... the dirt of the Earth ... mire details?

Imagine the dust that gets bi Yah ... like the transliteration of "Y" to "T" and even "J" bi times ... thus Yah Ova ... when one gets beyond so the back at cha perspective ... reversibility as in ↔ ... gets yah coming and going ... does yah seize ide ... many doze off ...
 
Last edited:
What is it with people who react to almost everything as if it is a major disaster? Tears, screaming, foot stamping anger etc over minor inconveniences. In my opinion it isn't TRAUMA to spill a bit of coffee!
 
KayTheCurler said:
What is it with people who react to almost everything as if it is a major disaster? Tears, screaming, foot stamping anger etc over minor inconveniences. In my opinion it isn't TRAUMA to spill a bit of coffee!
Click to expand...
It may be a sign that they are overwhelmed so every little item is a trigger?

I've seen that at work. For people who start responding differently, other things are going on.

Example: a number of big worries meant i didn't have energy to exhibit my normal patience or process approach to issues. I relied on a friend to help , just deferred to her and she picked up. Yet, had she not been there, I may have been pissy. Never drama, though
Then again, i wasn't overwhelmed, just tired
 
JayneWonders said:
It may be a sign that they are overwhelmed so every little item is a trigger?

I've seen that at work. For people who start responding differently, other things are going on.

Example: a number of big worries meant i didn't have energy to exhibit my normal patience or process approach to issues. I relied on a friend to help , just deferred to her and she picked up. Yet, had she not been there, I may have been pissy. Never drama, though
Then again, i wasn't overwhelmed, just tired
Click to expand...

There are a lot of small detailed wounds out there ...
 
Haha...I get pissy and sometimes dramatic when I'm overtired! It's like all the controls are gone. This whole thing about leading worship on Sunday in a sort of unknown environment could have got me pretty dramatic. Instead, I have calmly re-read my message, and decided that, no matter what, that is the one I am delivering. I'll do all the other things already prepared. I could also do a bunch of blaming...but instead, I see a struggling group (there's lots I'm not telling you) who needed a fill-in, and I'm providing it.
 
Some neurologists say just a lot of rest will assist PTSD but those that would like you to do everything wish you'd get on with the toil ... thus proving a portal out for when you blow ... when the essence finds relief ...
 
While were were dealing with Carter's cardiac arrest and related injury, people tried to call us all sorts of things. Resilient, brave, whatever.

All we were doing is surviving. It's instinct. And I think for many in circumstances like that for themselves or their kids, that's all it is. You're doing what you're doing because there is no alternative. It's not some great, selfless act or anything more than the average person would do. We're not special - we are just the ones walking that road today. Tomorrow, it will be someone else.

I understand those comments come from good places. The worst comment I ever got was from Berserk at the old WC. That was not from a good place, and remains the most evil example of a comment to someone who has a child in critical care that I've ever heard about. But most people are searching for something to express how impressed they are with those walking that road, so they fire away with compliments. I'm sure I've done similar. Now, I try not to.

So then, what do you say? Maybe that's a good brainstorming exercise below. Sometimes I tell people I've been thinking about them. Sometimes I ask if they want to talk. And I understand that, during any discussion, I may slip in a word of praise for something they are doing, for which they don't have a real choice. It's not easy. Especially when some people love to be told how well they appear to be doing. But beneath the facade they may be barely holding it together and all you're doing is praising their ability to mask how they feel.

Just understanding that helps you navigate.
 
In an ethics course I audited ... the instructor talked about brainstorming on particular evenings and not thinking ... thus the dark and stormy night that creates a mystical chaos ... and you know people that are determined to be right cannot learn anything from distal regions ... thus the OBI theory and the realization that all is theory because of the mortal cleavage ... a crack in the cheeks? Some Jettaes are just too cheeky and required 2 sides ... until the bummer closes down ... like Jack All in the arid high lands ... vaporized branes ... memes son ... does create extensive vocabulary ... gross stretch or justified strain?
 
I'm not sure that you can name that someone is resilient without engaging.
I do remember someone walking me through a situation, and discussing resiliency. It was a good conversation, and it helped me to grasp where i was not functioning well, and where i was, and times when i had functioned well, or had after a period of time. It led to conversations about what was different about this situation, that was blocking my ability to bounce back or move on.
I have had folks say that my resilience to issues/challenges in the workplace are part of the key to my success. I am good with that kind of evaluation, in part, as it is done in a way that allows for conversation, such as...why, what do i lean on, what have i learned.


Ditto re faith:
I would never say "god saved me in ____ situation".
I understand that there are those for whom their faith says "God saved me in ____ situation". They can say it about themselves. I am unlikely to engage with them, just walk away, unless we are in a situation where i can ask probing questions, such as why do you think they didn't save ______".
I can explore why they find comfort in that belief. I can also share why it doesn't bring me comfort.
Neither is right nor wrong.


I, like many here, have likely had many a comment said by people, who were using their belief system to provide comfort "god needed another angel" or "god only gives you what you can carry" or even worse "you didn't pray hard enough"
Issue with that: it wasn't my belief system
Issue with that: they had no frickin' clue how i was coping or what i was thinking
so many more issue, including really, wtf...are you an idjot

There are great guides on how to help someone in trouble, including what i think a wondercafe person here has expressed. Can i get you a coffee?
 
  • Like
Reactions: Jae
Nancy said:
Haha...I get pissy and sometimes dramatic when I'm overtired! It's like all the controls are gone. This whole thing about leading worship on Sunday in a sort of unknown environment could have got me pretty dramatic. Instead, I have calmly re-read my message, and decided that, no matter what, that is the one I am delivering. I'll do all the other things already prepared. I could also do a bunch of blaming...but instead, I see a struggling group (there's lots I'm not telling you) who needed a fill-in, and I'm providing it.
Click to expand...
Excellent. Wonderful. That's the right decision
 
I hate the word. Seems to me like a nasty code word for "life/ugly humans slapped you around and you emerged damaged but more or less intact".
 
Okay, so in general, resiliency is a good thing. Being strong can be a good thing. Stoic doesn't hurt, at times. I'll start with that.

chansen said:
While were were dealing with Carter's cardiac arrest and related injury, people tried to call us all sorts of things. Resilient, brave, whatever.
Click to expand...

Yes! People do this when they find out someone has been diagnosed with cancer. Exactly how is it being a hero to be diagnosed with cancer?

There's a certain amount of othering that happens in these situations. You're sick/have a sick kid/etc, and I'm healthy, etc. There's an element of sympathy which is crippling as opposed to empathy which is supportive.

chansen said:
All we were doing is surviving. It's instinct. And I think for many in circumstances like that for themselves or their kids, that's all it is. You're doing what you're doing because there is no alternative. It's not some great, selfless act or anything more than the average person would do. We're not special - we are just the ones walking that road today. Tomorrow, it will be someone else.
Click to expand...

Exactly. How is following the advice of health professionals being strong/resilient or whatever? I mean, what is the alternative.

No one can know how they will respond to a scrappy diagnosis until they have to face it. Yet, still people say they wouldn't handle it as well as you do. Oh come on. They might handle it better.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top