Question: Lecturing

[JayneWonders]

I have read that my posts can come across as lecturing.

In the interests of trying to do better in this forum, I am wondering if someone can point me to any recent posts that have that feeling.

1. Does this post have that feeling?
2. Do you have any examples that you can link to or quote?
3. Can you share the part that feels like lecturing
4. Have you experienced that feeling in say, my sets of posts re cancer journey
5. Have you experienced it in my sewing posts


Trying to get a feel for it.

 

[paradox3]

Are you sure this is going to be helpful? It almost feels like an invitation to start an argument but I am certain you don't intend it that way.

 

[Mendalla]

To me, lecturing is more Mystic's thing. I guess you do have a bit of a chilly matter-of-factness in your tone on some posts that could be seen that way, but it is not what I would call lecturing. At least, I have never felt lectured by you. Could it rub someone the wrong way? Sure. It apparently does that for some members, else certain threads might be going differently. Though maybe I am guilty at times, too. I could definitely point out posts of mine that get into mansplaining territory.

 

[paradox3]

Sometimes it is a chastising tone @JayneWonders
I have noticed sarcasm lately as well particularly with @chansen

 

[JayneWonders]

Are you sure this is going to be helpful? It almost feels like an invitation to start an argument but I am certain you don't intend it that way.

Hey paradox3, this is how I learnit is helpful for me to see examples

 

[JayneWonders]

Sometimes it is a chastising tone @JayneWonders
I have noticed sarcasm lately as well particularly with @chansen

I'd like to focus on the lecturing, unless you feel the attempted sarcasm is lecturing?

Can you give me an example of lecturing?

 

[paradox3]

Yes I think sarcastic comments can be part of the lecturing vibe.

 

[JayneWonders]

Really, interesting.

In that case, maybe I need a gauge. Do you feel others lecture on this site when they use sarcasm?

 

[JayneWonders]

you do have a bit of a chilly matter-of-factness in your tone on some posts that could be seen that way, but it is not what I would call lecturing.

lol, oh yes. For me, that is often when I am attempting to remove emotion from a post, and just state what my understanding or information is.
I also don't consider that a lecture., but it is helpful to know that some might see it as a lecture.

hmm, i am wondering if there different types of lecturing
a) a formal talk on a serious subject given to a group of people
b) an angry or serious talk given to someone in order to criticize their behaviour:

It will be interesting to see examples so that i can further understand the nature of my posts being lectures

 

[paradox3]

Well let's see. There is more than one type of sarcasm. Sometimes it is an attempt at wit or humor. In this case I might say it's missing the mark.

Different than lecturing.

For some posters sarcasm is an expression of frustration I think.

 

[paradox3]

@JayneWonders
Even on this very thread you seem a little pedantic to me.

 

[Mendalla]

b) an angry or serious talk given to someone in order to criticize their behaviour:

See, to me, this is "berating" or something like that. For me, lecturing in an informal sense is more giving out information in a very paternalistic way, treating the recipient as if they were a bit on the stupid side. Like a university lecturer to a bunch of slack-eyed students, IOW. (again, Mystic being my stellar, shining example)

 

[paradox3]

The lecturing I am talking about is more like chastising or correcting. That's what I see.

 

[JayneWonders]

I had to look up pedantic. "someone who annoys others by correcting small errors, caring too much about minor details"
So, you are saying, that my asking for examples, or seeking to understand, that I am annoying you or others?
I'm seriously confused......is it also lecturing?
Would it be possible to get a concrete example of this one? Would be great to be able to examine how a conversation could have gone.


I also now understand that at least one poster (Paradox3) also experiences my shoddy attempts at sarcasm as a response as lecturing.
Would it be possible to get a concrete example of this one? Would be great to be able to examine how a conversation could have gone.

@Mendalla doesn't experience them as lecturing, but, no surprise. He probably deals with people who have my type of inquiry or responses on a fairly frequent basis in his work life.

 

[paradox3]

Yes to be really frank you are annoying me by pushing for examples. I have already addressed a few specific concerns on other threads and don't want to rehash stuff by quoting it here.

The Jayne thing was perceived by me to be lecturing. Your points were completely valid though. Your concern led me to start the thread about names which has been fun and worthwhile. Often it's the tone more than the content.

There is also the positive and negative halo effect that comes into play.

 

[JayneWonders]

@paradox3, the examples is how i learn. It's also part of how I do things elsewhere, and ensure that we are clearly communicated.

Don't feel that you have to be the responder to this stuff.

I am sure that someone else will show up who is willing to give examples.

 

[paradox3]

@paradox3, the examples is how i learn. It's also part of how I do things elsewhere, and ensure that we are clearly communicated.

Don't feel that you have to be the responder to this stuff.

I am sure that someone else will show up who is willing to give examples.

Yes more input would be very helpful.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

@JayneWonders
Even on this very thread you seem a little pedantic to me.

See, I experience/ interpret this as @JayneWonders being an extreme analytical thinking character. This the opening post organized in point 1-4 and post #9 in a) ; b) etc.
I am thinking she deals with stuff, including emotions with an analytical approach ( but emotions, honestly, usually poke through, like hurt and anger.).
Since this is a similar aproach I tend to have ( not that extreme, though), it doesn’t bother me one bit. I do have the experience in conflict in “ real world” that sticking to facts and trying to solve conflicts on a factual level without validating the other person’s emotion often gets taken as arrogant.

 

[Mendalla]

I am thinking she deals with stuff, including emotions with an analytical approach

Which is not uncommon in the IT world. Most people I meet in IT tend to be analytical thinkers, whether they are programmers, support, or management. So perhaps that explains my reaction, as @JayneWonders herself suggests.

@Mendalla doesn't experience them as lecturing, but, no surprise. He probably deals with people who have my type of inquiry or responses on a fairly frequent basis in his work life.

 

[JayneWonders]

See, I experience/ interpret this as @JayneWonders being an extreme analytical thinking character. This the opening post organized in point 1-4 and post #9 in a) ; b) etc.
I am thinking she deals with stuff, including emotions with an analytical approach ( but emotions, honestly, usually poke through, like hurt and anger.).
Since this is a similar aproach I tend to have ( not that extreme, though), it doesn’t bother me one bit. I do have the experience in conflict in “ real world” that sticking to facts and trying to solve conflicts on a factual level without validating the other person’s emotion often gets taken as arrogant.

Interesting, thanks @Mrs.Anteater
I do consider a person's emotion (including mine own) as a fact or factor. I obviously cannot know how someone else is feeling, but, i can play back what they say they are feeling.