No-o-o-o-o

[KayTheCurler]

I just learned that my son has bought a motor bike. This is my son with a severe brain injury caused by losing control of his motor bike. Eventually he was got to retake his drivers license and passed without problem in his truck. By then his motor bike had been repaired so he took it for a spin down the highway and crashed again. Not too much physical damage - but his bike was a write off and he couldn't afford another one (YAY!). He is now on Disability income and has saved enough money apparently to buy another 'machine'. I feel sick.

 

[Mendalla]

Seriously? I mean, they say that if you fall off a bike, you need to just get back on. But they were talking bicycles, not motorcycles, and simple falls, not catastrophic crashes. Some people don't seem to learn, even from direct experience.

Vibes to you. Hope this proves to either be a passing thing or he gets some sense before there's a disaster.

My son used to muse about getting a motorbike but I have not heard him mention it in a while. Hopefully, it's passed. He has been told that my Civic is his if he needs a vehicle before he's ready to spend bucks on one. I hope he goes for that rather than a motorbike. And not just because I get a new car if he does.

 

[Kimmio Laughterlove]

Oh dear. Sorry Kay.

 

[chansen]

Sorry. I know I take too many risks, so I stay away from anything with a motor. Gravity and pedal power are enough for me.

 

[KayTheCurler]

One of the unfortunate effects of a brain injury is often the tendency to make stupid decisions. There is nothing we can do but hope he stays safe. He is an adult and deemed capable of making his own decisions - but not capable of holding employment. Another bang on the head could easily make him incapable of living alone - and there are very few places that accept brain injured adults. Wait and see time.

 

[ChemGal]

One of the unfortunate effects of a brain injury is often the tendency to make stupid decisions. There is nothing we can do but hope he stays safe. He is an adult and deemed capable of making his own decisions - but not capable of holding employment. Another bang on the head could easily make him incapable of living alone - and there are very few places that accept brain injured adults. Wait and see time.

I don't get it. He can't hold a job but is well/capable enough to ride a motorbike - how is his balance?
I hope he stays safe and I'm here, shaking my head at the decision with you.

 

[Carolla]

One of the unfortunate effects of a brain injury is often the tendency to make stupid decisions.

Lack of insight is often a brutal consequence of brain injury. So sorry you are all going through this - I feel for you - must be terrifying. Is he at least likely to wait until spring weather to give it a spin? Might buy you some time to be persuasive.

 

[Waterfall]

Hugs Kay, it's another stage of Motherhood isn't it? When we have to let go of our children some more, stand on the sidelines once they are adults and sometimes just watch as things unfold for better or for worse. We have less say and it's nerve wracking sometimes.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

Well, there would be the option to talk to his doctor or to write a letter directly to motor vehicle registration to voice your concerns. The doc could have his balance checked out by physio. But it could also be a matter of multi tasking- balancing and paying attention to the traffic at the same time. Usually family doesn’t want to be the party pooper, but if you have concrete incidents, motor vehicle registration should know.
Surprisingly, incidents are not always reported by the police. I remember the case of a husband driving into the back of a delivery truck that was parked, because he “ didn’t see it”, putting his wife with severe injuries into the hospital, and he kept driving to the hospital to visit his wife, so apparently, nobody had reported him or taken his licence. We had the strong feeling he had beginning dementia maybe in combination with vision loss.

 

[KayTheCurler]

I don't get it. He can't hold a job but is well/capable enough to ride a motorbike - how is his balance?
I hope he stays safe and I'm here, shaking my head at the decision with you.

It is extremely confusing trying to 'get' brain injuries. No two are ever the same. We have been told our son should be incapable of speech as he had two thirds of his left temporal lobe removed. The left temporal lobe controls speech. He speaks quite well. There are pockets of damaged brain throughout his head too. Sometimes he can handle particular activities, other times that part of his brain seems to shut down (tiredness, over stimulation). Testing said he could live alone and drive. As an adult he has rights too, even if his parents would like to ban potentially dangerous activities.

 

[Seeler]

I think perhaps one of the hardest things about being a parent is letting go. Letting go and letting them make their own decisions when you know that those decisions are wrong, and possibly dangerous, is difficult. It is far harder with a teen or an adult son or daughter than it was when they were toddlers and you could insist that they stay behind the gate or hang onto your hand. It breaks our hearts when we see our loved ones insisting that they know what's right for them when you can see the whole picture.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

I think perhaps one of the hardest things about being a parent is letting go. Letting go and letting them make their own decisions when you know that those decisions are wrong, and possibly dangerous, is difficult. It is far harder with a teen or an adult son or daughter than it was when they were toddlers and you could insist that they stay behind the gate or hang onto your hand. It breaks our hearts when we see our loved ones insisting that they know what's right for them when you can see the whole picture.

Yes and no. There is one thing of letting go if the kid decides to take on a dangerous hobby but will not endanger others. If there are significant concerns about safe driving, there is a responsibility towards others. The relatives and neighbours see more than what might be assessed in an official driving test. It depends what was tested at the time of giving his licence back. And again, balancing a bike could add a whole different level of difficulty to it.
If he is using the bike off road only, that would be different.
Just having had five weeks of not being allowed to drive, I know what it means to not be independently mobile.
But, how would he and you live with causing a serious accident and damage to other lives?
Too often I hear the sigh of relief from relatives who have been watching their loved one driving badly for some time until finally the doc gets it and officially takes his licence. Nobody likes to do that. But I think the wellbeing of the others in traffic is a higher good than the rights of an individual.

 

[revjohn]

As a parent, I would not likely handle a similar situation with much grace. I hear your fears.

 

[KayTheCurler]

Mrs. Anteater - you seem to think we haven't shared what we know with the appropriate people. It boils down to - "He is an adult and as such can make his own decisions. We may think he is making a foolish, dangerous decision - but he has a right to make it".

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

Mrs. Anteater - you seem to think we haven't shared what we know with the appropriate people. It boils down to - "He is an adult and as such can make his own decisions. We may think he is making a foolish, dangerous decision - but he has a right to make it".

Well, if you have, then, there really isn’t much that you can do.

 

[KayTheCurler]

That is precisely what is causing my anxiety. Until my son acquired a brain injury I had no idea how difficult and confusing it all is to those who love them . All we can do is hope he stays safe and doesn't hurt anyone else if/when he decides to ride.

 

[BetteTheRed]

I suppose the up-side to this, if you need to find one, is that his biggest danger on a motorcycle is to himself, more than to others. Hugs as you worry. I never realized until I had children that pieces of my heart would end up outside of my own body.

 

[Tabitha]

I feel for you Kay. My eldest "won" a motorbike at the car dealership's xmas party. He rode it for a summer, got his full motorcycle liscense. I did a happy dance when he sold it the next spring.

 

[KayTheCurler]

I have such mixed feelings about motor bikes. My oldest cousin was killed by a drunk driver at age twenty one. His younger brother bought one as soon as he could afford to. My brother and I both drove them to work and for pleasure. My oldest son and younger daughter have them. Yep - mixed feelings!

 

[BetteTheRed]

OTOH, my sister, in her 50s now, has driven motorcycles her entire adult life (lived in Toronto in her 20s, had a biggish bike down there as her only transportation, before she got a car license). She is a teacher in the motorcycle and spyder training programs at the college, does a serious road trip with some fellow lady bikers every summer, preferably somewhere hill-y. Uses her bike regularly from April to November to just get around.