Mother's Day and Father's Day exclusionary?

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Redbaron

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I seem to meet more people over the years for whom these days are problematic. Whether they be from single parented homes or blended families or foster homes, or if they did grow up with 2 parents, but one or both of those individuals were anything but exemplars of parenthood. Since the original mother behind the original Mothers' Day was a bit of a social radical and labour organizer, what we have done to it has been rather ironic. I'd be happy with a single 'family day' event, and not single out moms, dads, or others.
 

GO3838

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For at least 20 years now, most United Churches celebrate "Christian Family Sunday" rather than "Mother's Day."

Today in church, the focus was "Trinity Sunday," not "Father's Day."

However, during the Prayers of the People, there was a special prayer for all parents, whether parent by birth, parent by adoption,
or parent by vocation. I thought it was very inclusive.
 

GO3838

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Responding specifically to the article: I teach secondary school, and at my school the students don't make "Mother's Day" or "Father's Day" crafts.

Instead, they're encouraged to give little gifts and cards all year long, to express gratitude or "Thinking of you." For example, if they made cakes for their final exam in baking class, they're encouraged to take the rest of the cake home to share with family and/or friends. Or take it to the Breakfast Club, so kids that don't get breakfast at home can have cake for a treat.
There's a "Thank You Day" in art class, where they make cards and crafts for special people in their lives. (They can also take their craft to the retirement home next door to the school, and leave it in the lounge.) Our school has a greenhouse, and when the kids are seeding plants for science classes, they're encouraged to give their seedlings away to family and friends

So we try to teach the importance to recognizing and thanking important people in our lives, but keeping it way more inclusive than "Mother's Day" and "Father's Day." (One of the few things my school does right.)
 
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I bought my step-dad a Thank You card that was blank inside, and wrote in it - because there was only one, sappy one, that said “To a Very Special Step-Father" - with a cheesy background picture and bad poetry, for $8.00. Those types of cards don't suit either of us. Step-Father, is too formal, and the sentiment written was too contrived. I wish there had been more options! Funny ones usually go over best. Also, it'd be nice to see more standard greeting cards for people who were raised in the same home by 2 dads, or 2 moms.

There is a Family Day here. It was established a few years ago. When it is, I've forgotten - but I've, so far, never thought of it as a card and gift occasion. Some people who don't have close families, or estranged or very dysfunctional families, might rather ignore family day, too.



:)
 
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I sent my dad a text. That's all he expects...he's playing golf, As he has done every Father's Day for years - every Sunday with decent weather, that he can get a game in on, he does - and that's totally fine. It's funny how some people - like my step dad and mom, have higher expectations for recognition on these Hallmark occasions.


My half brother's probably playing golf with my dad, but he wouldn't say anything until after. He did last year. That's fine too because I wouldn't want to crowd in on their game. I'm not interested in golf. I had lunch with my dad last week.


:)
 
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Maybe we need to stop having these appreciation days (I am cynical - but I have three parent birthdays and Mother's and Father's Day within a few months and it's a bit much because it's not entirely 'real', but the expectations are forced to be higher. The birthdays are the same kind of process as the Mom's and Dad's days except the birthdays seem to go all week long now - it's more like Groundhog Day, the movie) - and just be better to others generally. Personally, I stopped caring about my birthdays and really don't want any fuss over them. Members of my family feel differently about their "days".



:)
 
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Honour your father and your mother. It’s one of the big 10. (Commandments)

Who likes to call evil good and good evil?

And make up stupid stuff and see who will follow?

Oh well, it’s going to come back to bite them. First term abortion. Trudeau is going to make them illegal :LOL:!!!

No more single use plastic straws!!!
 
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Honour your father and your mother. It’s one of the big 10. (Commandments)

Who likes to call evil good and good evil?

And make up stupid stuff and see who will follow?

Oh well, it’s going to come back to bite them. First term abortion. Trudeau is going to make them illegal :LOL:!!!

No more single use plastic straws!!!
I have 4 parents who I grew up with. I honour them on their days - but my dad would just as soon play golf by himself. If there's anyone playing with him today, my brother probably is - but he wouldn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me. I'm fine with it, though. Like I said, we had a nice lunch last week.

Also, not all parents would treat their estranged kids like the Prodigal Son, and not all adult children have good relationships with abusive parents. People can choose who they call family though. Jesus did.
 

Mendalla

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Honour your father and your mother. It’s one of the big 10. (Commandments)
And I would suggest that there are better ways to do that than a "Hallmark holiday" that reduces it to a card and a gift once a year per parent.

And that parents should, to some degree, earn that. Can we really expect a daughter who was repeatedly raped by her father while her mother stood idly by should "honour" them instead of turning them in and then washing her hands of them?
 
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Why not a Prodigal Son (or daughter) day? An annual chance for reconciliation between parents and adult kids who have grievances.

@Mendalla I wrote this before you posted. Maybe some things can't be reconciled between some families and to walk away is best.




:)
 
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So good parents shouldn’t be honoured because of dishonourable ones?

I’d say I love you dad, but there are plenty of deadbeat dads out there that make me saying that somehow... how can I say it? Ah...

No, I love you dad, sorry I didn’t say that out loud maybe in my whole life. I just always assumed you must know.
 
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I tell my dad I love him, or we hug. I told my mom I love her on her birthday and Mom's Day - we are not close but I do love her. I check up on my parents when they're sick. They know.
 
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My dad is long gone now. He was a heavy equipment operator. He got me my first real job at a construction job as a labourer.

From the day I started, I held a super-high status among all the other labourers and trades.

My dad would often make sure when the other guys were running out of money before the end of the month and their credit was running out with the coffee truck that they never went hungry.

So the honour that my father deserved was passed on to me who did not deserve it.
 
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If I didn't still love them I wouldn't talk to them anymore. And if I didn't talk to them, I still love them. But if I didn't love them I would never want to talk to them again.
 

BetteTheRed

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This is a really difficult day for my children. Their dad was certainly quite problematic as a dad, due to his mental illness(es). However, he also died a very unpleasant painful death quite young (he was just 60), less than 2 years ago. Daughter has had a bad, sad, week. Son and I are currently distant, so hard to say how he is taking the 'holiday' this year. I loved and respected my Dad, but he's been gone for 20 years now, so the ache of missing him is not fresh.
 

ChemGal

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I'm not for scrapping them/combining them - often times the other parent or other family members allows for a bit of a break and pampering, if we do all at once instead of half/half it can actually become more work to celebrate for those who are actually being celebrated.

I do think there are ways to be more inclusive for things like school activities though - get children to acknowledge multiple male role models and female role models for the days. Let kids pick when to acknowledge those who are non-binary. If everyone is celebrating multiple people in their lives it takes away the singling out when someone has a dad and a step-dad, or 2 dads, or an uncle and no dad, etc.

I'm really surprised to read a teacher would actually do one and not the other in elementary school, that's incredibly biased!
 
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