Gossip

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I have never been fond of gossip myself. I am fortunate to mostly follow creatives who are obscure enough that outside their fan communities, there isn't much gossip going around. Some only just barely qualify as "celebrities".

I suppose I've been privy to and part of some office gossip at times but I would suggest that's inevitable when you're in a department that literally deals with every single employee from time to time. You hear stuff in a hub role like that. I could argue that only HR would be more prone to it than IT.

How do I deal with gossip about myself? Badly, mostly. ;) No, I set the record straight if there's a record to set straight and try not to fuss about it beyond that. And I certainly don't go around seeking it out.
 
Gossip has largely swirled around me in life. I understand that I am somewhat gossiped about (the eccentric neighbour), but I'm also rarely gossiped to, either, for two good reasons. Memory is poor, also poor filters.
 
Bad. One of the worst things we humans do imo. Lately, it's more clear than ever, the tangible harm careless or vindictive -- without consciousness or self-awareness, gossip can do. It's always a single story for starters. ..presented as the real truth. The person isn't around to defend themselves either. It's a horrendous violation. Not harmless, incredibly disrespectful.
 
Mendalla said:
I have never been fond of gossip myself. I am fortunate to mostly follow creatives who are obscure enough that outside their fan communities, there isn't much gossip going around. Some only just barely qualify as "celebrities".

I suppose I've been privy to and part of some office gossip at times but I would suggest that's inevitable when you're in a department that literally deals with every single employee from time to time. You hear stuff in a hub role like that. I could argue that only HR would be more prone to it than IT.

How do I deal with gossip about myself? Badly, mostly. ;) No, I set the record straight if there's a record to set straight and try not to fuss about it beyond that. And I certainly don't go around seeking it out.
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What is it ... that is talked about in high level meetings when so much under their control is considered un right? Just listen to what politicians claim ...

Is that not so much gossip? If not is if somehow deficient? Maybe delinquent and unhinged, or unchained ... appears wicked to me ... that Peter Prin. posed as a station of the cross over ... so many alterations ...

Have you followed the Big Wonderful Bill? Now there's a crock ... because they expect no discussion ... the vassals must shut up ... power show's!

Gentility? That's an abstract ... like dark lace ... fringe development ...
 
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I struggle to understand what classifies as gossip. In my busier, younger days I considered coffee groups as gossip centres. Now I see some value to them for spreading the word about illnesses and recent deaths (that encourages offering support sometimes). . My observations and experiences indicate that there is some favouritism involved in the offering of support.
No doubt most of this town knows I have vision problems. Only two people have mentioned it to me.
Gloating about marital break ups and kids in trouble with the law is definitely gossip to me.
 
There's a fine line between spreading news and gossip isn't there? And a lot is in the how it is transmitted as much as in the facts.

I mean, "Julie is very sick and her poor husband is having a hard time looking after her and the kids" is probably legitimate news in a circle of friends or neighbours.

While "Julie is sick and, oh have you heard, her poor husband is spending a lot of time getting 'sympathy' from her friend Angie" accompanied by a nudge and a wink is gossip.

Source kind of matters, too. On Floorworld I tend to take any personal information about Floor with a grain of salt unless it is coming from her. So someone posted some information speculating about why she wasn't joining a reunion of her old band After Forever including some gossip-y information about why her relationship with their guitarist ended back in the day but while the story told actually makes sense given other information I have, I still treat it with suspicion. Maybe if she or other involved parties ever release memoirs, the truth will come out, but for now it is gossip to me.
 
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It's interesting that the word "Gossip" initially meant "god sibling" or something like that. There's a place for sharing concern, which I wouldn't consider gossip. How would you prefer to be discussed? I wouldn't mind someone saying, "I'm concerned about _____" and asking if they knew anything and suggesting helpful things. It doesn't need to be gossiping (assigning blame, ridiculing etc).
 
I love starting rumours. Thirteen years ago, I started a rumour about our new subdivision that the new phase was built over an indigenous burial ground. That info got back to the sales office and they asked me if I started the rumour, because they had to field that question from a few potential buyers. They were not happy with me. I had quite a bit of fun with that one.
 
Does gossip depend on the purpose ... whether to create or destroy ... and does destroying somethings come up positive?

Now to create a beast like Trump ... is that positive, or only for the wealthy? What happens when the bottom lion collapses? It was just a lessor cat ...

The only thing that works well is a story that someone has to figure out what the entire things means ... and of course none does ... thus a lot unanswered ...

Gives purpose for another day ... even if those that don't wish to do or think ... don't desire to either work or comprehend the complexity of life ... thus life slides ... its just the way because few care ... really! Thus A' Dann was swallowed up in the dark of Eve ... thus the shadows fall after being pushed up the mountain by the active rooster ... terrible squawk ... like that guy Michael when falling out of heaven ... a fuzzy state of mind ...

Gossip gives some folk a real buzz because of what they believe they know that wasn't to be in the open ... probably means little in the longer run of how we go down the tubes when lies are better supported that the NU of import to the close (tight) community ...

Like consider the bullies south of the border ... will they have their way with beating up the lesser if they do not get it together?

In short what proportion doesn't even care enough to know what's going on?

There is this old expression: "who dah elle cares?" It is a small thing to the upper crust ... Pi! The number runs on in extensive space ... virtually something that cannot be defined ... like stonewalled glowing walls ... like tough horsehide ... Romantic Armor?

Destructive every where you turn ... entanglement theory is the only way out ... thus lovers destroy old friends ... a farse ide tale about turning axis ...
 
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When it’s a group talking about an absent person they hardly know, by name - and even if they do know them - unless it’s innocuous then it’s probably the wrong thing to do. And what qualifies as innocuous I think requires discretion, which a lot of people don’t seem to have - no filter.
 
When somebody asks me “How is ‘mutual acquaintance/ friend’ doing?” I keep it vague unless it’s something like we both knew they were ill or going through something and it’s out of real concern - and even then I am careful what I share because that person might not be genuinely concerned and the person we’re talking about might not think it was innocuous or appreciate it. Sometimes people are just looking for gossip - it’s like second nature to them.
 
Kimmio Laughterlove said:
When it’s a group talking about an absent person they hardly know, by name - and even if they do know them - unless it’s innocuous then it’s probably the wrong thing to do.
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Not sure I would go this far. I think it's gossip when it is speculation or sharing knowledge not meant to be shared (e.g. discussing a person's sexual orientation when they are not yet out to everyone). But a group of friends/family discussing how to help a member of the group who is in hospital or in some kind of trouble would be entirely legit. Or even sharing that news with members of the group who are not in the loop, as my brother did with me when our aunt was in hospice. That's just passing news. Maybe that's "innocuous" but that's not really the word I would use for it. It's not potentially harmful but could even be beneficial if there's actions to be taken to help the person being discussed, which is not "innocuous" to my eye.

Kimmio Laughterlove said:
And what qualifies as innocuous I think requires discretion, which a lot of people don’t seem to have - no filter.
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I do agree that discretion is the key. Think about what knowledge you're passing and why you're passing it before passing it.
 
Kimmio Laughterlove said:
When somebody asks me “How is ‘mutual acquaintance/ friend’ doing?” I keep it vague unless it’s something like we both knew they were ill or going through something and it’s out of real concern - and even then I am careful what I share because that person might not be genuinely concerned and the person we’re talking about might not think it was innocuous or appreciate it. Sometimes people are just looking for gossip - it’s like second nature to them.
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Again, discretion matters. If my buddy Stephen who is also buddies with my buddy Phil asks about Phil, that's different than if some guy we all know vaguely through some shared community asks.
 
Mendalla said:
Not sure I would go this far. I think it's gossip when it is speculation or sharing knowledge not meant to be shared (e.g. discussing a person's sexual orientation when they are not yet out to everyone). But a group of friends/family discussing how to help a member of the group who is in hospital or in some kind of trouble would be entirely legit. Or even sharing that news with members of the group who are not in the loop, as my brother did with me when our aunt was in hospice. That's just passing news. Maybe that's "innocuous" but that's not really the word I would use for it. It's not potentially harmful but could even be beneficial if there's actions to be taken to help the person being discussed, which is not "innocuous" to my eye.


I do agree that discretion is the key. Think about what knowledge you're passing and why you're passing it before passing it.
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It usually depends if the person wants help unless they’re at risk. I wouldn’t talk about that stuff in their absence unless they needed help and I cared and I needed help to support them from others who care. I would involve them in any decisions and discussions as much as possible, on their behalf.

I don’t name names when I vent about a problem I’m having with someone unless the person I’m talking to knows them and is close to both of us and I only do it if I’m stressed about it and the person I’m venting about already knows I’m upset with them. I prefer to vent in their presence. I keep it vague as much as possible, and I respect their privacy and autonomy as individuals.

It’s not like I’ve never gossiped in my life but I know better - it’s not the mature or reasonable thing to do. Some people do it like it’s still high school and they never grew out of it. I don’t like being around groups that get caught up/ try to pull me into it.
 
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Mendalla said:
Again, discretion matters. If my buddy Stephen who is also buddies with my buddy Phil asks about Phil, that's different than if some guy we all know vaguely through some shared community asks.
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But what if Phil doesn’t like you talking to Stephen about it when he’s not there?

I guess it was my training. I assume - like I would’ve at work - whatever someone tells me one on one is in confidence unless they’re at risk of harm or they indicate they don’t mind. I don’t assume they don’t mind.
 
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