Funeral Plans?

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I am of mixed opinions on making our own funeral plans. In some ways it is a gift to those who follow us because they don't have as many decisions to make. At the same time for some people making those decisions about how best to celebrate/remember/honour their loved one is an important part of griefwork. I lean toward communicating broad strokes and favored things (eg. hymns, scriptures for a faith family) along with things that would not be liked (eg. my mother hates the "in may Father's house there are many rooms" passage from John) but not a "this is how it has to look" detailed plan.

Above all, communicate with as much of the close family as possible, don't just tell one person. Otherwise people wil fight about "what mom really wanted"
 
See with me, my own version right now would be quite secular, if very spiritual. Very UU, in other words. Poetry or maybe something like Ecclesiastes if there is scripture, secular music that speaks to me in a spiritual way, and that sort of thing. But my wife is increasingly leaning Christian and my son is now a Muslim (at least by practice, not sure to what degree he actually believes). So is a secular service, no matter how spiritual, going to cut it for them?
 
I also sense it depends on when we die.

If I die on the next 5 years, there is a lot of my age group around.
But if i die in 20 years, then, most will be gone or not gathering.
 
With all the times I've been told to shut up about information that folk didn't wish to know about ... I shall go down silently ...

I is kind of like The Primal Wound ... actually it is a text that few read! Intelligence is not high in the wills of real powers!
 
I have no specific plans for a funeral. The younger generations don't follow a religion of any sort any more than I do. I suggested they spend time at a lake and share stories around the campfire if they wish. Releasing a burning paper boat holding my ashes might be fun. They know enough to not start a bush fire with it.
 
As long as you don't tell your kids you specifically want nothing.

My mom wanted nothing done. Fortunately she preplanned the arrangements. The planner was able to persuade her that I and her grandchildren would need something.

She agreed we could do something for family members only.

God bless the minister who said surely you can include your church family. No one knew my mom so the attendance from the congregation was small.

But it was enough.
 
As long as you don't tell your kids you specifically want nothing.

My mom wanted nothing done. Fortunately she preplanned the arrangements. The planner was able to persuade her that I and her grandchildren would need something.

She agreed we could do something for family members only.

God bless the minister who said surely you can include your church family. No one knew my mom so the attendance from the congregation was small.

But it was enough.
THis. So Much this. I think often people say "don't do anything" as a perceived act of kindness or humility...don't trouble yourself, don't make a fuss. But I strongly think doing nothing to honour the wishes of the departed is not really healthy for the rest.
 
I have a friend who has told her kids to do nothing. Apparently.

On another occasion she said she has told them they can do whatever they want.

Two completely different things if you ask me!!!
 
Along with funeral planning - I've recently been looking at some of the available resources to gather all your important info into one place so the executor will have an easier time. Amazing how many such planners are available on Amazon!

I also recently learned that 'pre-arrangements' are not fully binding.
 
My dad ended up with a simpler funeral than he had prearranged due to the pandemic. There was a surplus of money in the account which was returned to his estate.

It was a wonderful blessing to know who to call at the time of death. It was good that the coffin had been selected as well. It was one less thing to worry about.

The funeral home was very helpful to us. My parents used a family owned business with a good reputation in their community. I was impressed with their staff
 
Basically a funeral/remembrance it isn't about the dead person. It is about those who will miss their presence. As I have no idea what would feel 'right' to my younger generations I assured them that they can do whatever seems 'right' to them.
Hmmm, I would say it is 'for' those who survive but 'about' the deceased. {And even that is not universal, some forms of Christian Theology would also include that it is 'for' the deceased as we try to "pray them into the kingdom"] BUt that is why it is important to let folk know they can do what works best for them. Sometimes that may mean that the community (eg congregation) does somethings separate from what the family does so they can mark the passing as well.
 
Along with funeral planning - I've recently been looking at some of the available resources to gather all your important info into one place so the executor will have an easier time. Amazing how many such planners are available on Amazon!

I also recently learned that 'pre-arrangements' are not fully binding.
NOte that it is not really the executor since the will may not be looked at until after the gathering is held. It may be that the same person is in charge of organizing the gathering but the info should not be in the will. It should be a separate document
 
NOte that it is not really the executor since the will may not be looked at until after the gathering is held. It may be that the same person is in charge of organizing the gathering but the info should not be in the will. It should be a separate document
Sorry I was not clear in my post. I was referring to all the other work required of an executor, not actually to the arranging of a funeral or remembrance.
 
I've done nothing about any of this, except that #1 son gets the oil painting of me as a young woman, #2 son gets the guitar. My poor daughter will have to be the Executor. I hope I will have disposed of all of the stray ashes in my house (1/2 of Dad's, all of Mom's and most of the Hippie's) and I don't much care what happens to my ashes, except that the base of a new tree would be nice.
 
Along with funeral planning - I've recently been looking at some of the available resources to gather all your important info into one place so the executor will have an easier time. Amazing how many such planners are available on Amazon!

I also recently learned that 'pre-arrangements' are not fully binding.
I bought one but i found I didn't research enough before buying

It has good areas and sovit starts conversation, but think i will go with binder easily updatable
 
Along with funeral planning - I've recently been looking at some of the available resources to gather all your important info into one place so the executor will have an easier time. Amazing how many such planners are available on Amazon!

I also recently learned that 'pre-arrangements' are not fully binding.
I bought one but i found I didn't research enough before buying

It has good areas and so it starts conversation, but think i will go with binder easily updatable
 
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