Funeral Plans?

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JayneWonders

JayneWonders

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Do you have funeral plans?
Do they include any time of gathering?
Will it be at a church?

Have you decided to be cremated or buried?

I'm curious what your thoughts are on this item, and have you discussed with your spouse?
 
We had an interesting dialogue the other week with close friends/family.

Different of opinions re funerals, and whether they would have them.
None of us wanted anything in a church.
Some of us wanted some form of singing.
One was happy to have a gathering in their living room or something like that, and form a circle sharing memories. Given how many descendants they have, we felt that that might be hard to accommodate, but the idea of it not being strangers speaking words, or a long eulogy, just a sentence or two was important.
 
Yobo and I have talked a bit about it. We both want cremation, with our ashes buried in whichever country we pass in. We both want some kind of service at a church (guess we need to talk about that more). I want no black to be worn, just colors, and no flowers involved, just balloons
 
Some people incinerate early and lose their intelligence ... as it is generally beyond the excitable ... some people believe they have the power and thus spew a lot of insanity (non-intelligence)? Could this be fear of what they don't understand and will not face it?

I find the great unknown (semi tic concept) intriguing ... many reject and deny it! Connections between what is and what is not may be assistance ... as illustrated in the word manifest or incarnation ...

There's a tome 17 Carnations that relates monarchist with Nazis ... absolute power is demanded! Thus many depart ... leaving peacefully as it gassed ... lamplighters? May involve someone being killed neath the town hall lights ... dashing R.I.P. r's ... controversial to say least as they joust about bullies ... this goes on ... due to lack of onus!

Respect is a minor thing in many circles allowing for dead ringers ... bubbles in 2D!
 
We have all the legal crap finished but have not really talked about the rites.

I'm fairly easy myself. I have ideas about possible readings (Horace's odes about the fragility of life, for instance) or music for an actual service. At the same time, I would be fine with just being cremated with a reception for friends and family type of thing. I know that's what they did for my wife's thesis supervisor/research partner when she died after a lengthy illness (cancer). They did have it at the UU fellowship but there was no actual service. That eminent scholar actually gets the credit/blame for introducing us to UU'ism.

Not sure my service would fit in a house setting, tempting as it might be. Depends who came. If it was just my own extended family, sure. But even if we start including my d-i-l's family, that starts to get unwieldy (besides her parents, she has three siblings, all married, and one nephew). And if there's co-workers, friends, etc. then definitely into needing a hall or other facility.

But it certainly wouldn't have to be a formal church service of any kind unless that's what Mrs. and Little M wanted.

And if my son wanted something from his & his wife's faith (Islam) included, I'd be cool with that, too. Just don't know enough about Islamic funeral rites to know what that should be (a reading from a Muslim poet like Rumi, maybe?).

And I guess that's my bottom line. The rites are for family and friends. I get to just lay there and listen in (I'm known for being a bit lazy so that would be ultimate expression of my life, I guess). :giggle: So I'd leave a lot of leeway for my family to do what is meaningful for them.

But, yeah, something we should discuss.
 
I expect to be tucked away silently ... forgotten in no time ... because there are greater dissonances than Aye ...

Sublime or hypo? Beneath us ... poetry degrading into prosaic ... bagged! Like Socrates there is no room for thought ... hem loch? Be the death of M*eis ... near Isis ... chilling signs ... about the bullies of Mort! Mort was a myth that involved an ancient cow ... beef?
 
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Formal services for funerals and cremations are not completely gone. But they seem to be falling out of favor.

One reason, I think, is that people tend to associate them with +++ religiosity and/ or high Christology.
Which is unfortunate because secular rituals can be meaningful as well.

I also think the funeral industry is partly to blame. Costs run high and many providers try to upsell their products and services. No different than car salesmen or wedding planners. :rolleyes:
.
 
We have done our wills, decided on cremation and have purchased a cremation plot in a church cemetery.

We have had some discussion about memorial services but probably need to have another go at it.

For the sake of the living, I believe that something needs to be done. I have told my kids and husband it doesn't need to be a religious ceremony if they wish otherwise.

But if they are going to honor my life, they need to at least mention that I was a woman of faith.
 
paradox3 said:
Formal services for funerals and cremations are not completely gone. But they seem to be falling out of favor.

One reason, I think, is that people tend to associate them with +++ religiosity and/ or high Christology.
Which is unfortunate because secular rituals can be meaningful as well.

I also think the funeral industry is partly to blame. Costs run high and many providers try to upsell their products and services. No different than car salesmen or wedding planners. :rolleyes:
.
Click to expand...
Is a deep undertaking profitable?
 
Weve talked about it, we will probably each just have a grave side service after cremation. Just family and a minister, no visitation.
Probably have my brother do the music on his guitar, only if I go before him and he can.
Weve both agreed it's silly to waste money on a funeral.
One thing that did come up was, what to do do if the other remarries after one dies. Both of us are okay if the new wife/husband wants to be beside us..if theres room.
I have no idea where my stepmother is buried...her daughter wouldn't tell me for some reason.
 
I have been to a few so called memorial services that were really just gatherings in backyards etc., Maybe with a few flowers and some photos on display..

A little bit better than doing nothing at all.
 
paradox3 said:
I have been to a few so called memorial services that were really just gatherings in backyards etc., Maybe with a few flowers and some photos on display..
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Actually, those are sometimes the more meaningful and beautiful services. A full formal funeral can be a bit stiff and overbaked, IMHO. I mean, for me, the most meaningful things in Dad's service were my brothers and I paying tribute to him and seeing my company's vice-president (now president) there. I had not expected her and it was quite meaningful to have someone from work present (someone I have known since she was my second interview for the job in 1999) given most of those attending were from Dad's church and I did not know them from a hole in the wall.
 
Mendalla said:
Actually, those are sometimes the more meaningful and beautiful services. A full formal funeral can be a bit stiff and overbaked, IMHO. I mean, for me, the most meaningful things in Dad's service were my brothers and I paying tribute to him and seeing my company's vice-president (now president) there. I had not expected her and it was quite meaningful to have someone from work present (someone I have known since she was my second interview for the job in 1999) given most of those attending were from Dad's church and I did not know them from a hole in the wall.
Click to expand...
Yes but what I am talking about does not involve a service of any kind. No speeches. No tributes. Nada.
 
paradox3 said:
Sorry this is not a laughing matter IMHO
Click to expand...

It was not meant to be ... sorry you misread a bit of ignorance connected to a big business item. You may not see it but must of what appears to be joker's castoff I present as something serious in a far deeper realm than the superficial powers of fascism grasp ... not joke there whatsoever.

A philosopher once declared on the black and white rule of law there is a side that house bullies and jokers ... if not well examined folk cannot often divine the difference ... it is like stepping in manure ... you learn something ... there's multiple myths about that including bunny pellets ... sometimes fuzzy ID's ...

@ Paradox3 ... I do administer a large cemetery and the goings on there are often extremely questionable ...
 
paradox3 said:
Yes and no.
Click to expand...
Most I've gone to have been lovely....but I suppose it can happen.
When my older sister died at 57, wow almost 20 years ago, she had two services....one in the church that she was organist and a lay minister (not sure what you'd call it at her church...it was the Church of God) and it was very traditional and sombre....I preferred her graveside service that she had in the town she was buried in.
I think my siblings are/were very traditional, possibly like yourself?
 
Doing something is better than doing nothing I guess. I see value in formality and ritual but I'm kind of of middle of the road on the religion part.

It can be stiff and overdone for sure.

I attended one secular memorial service that was lovely. Tributes, readings and a moment of silence in lieu of prayer. It was an actual service in a retirement home lounge followed by a light lunch.

The backyard thing that is really just "stop by for a drink" doesn't do a lot for me.
 
paradox3 said:
Yes but what I am talking about does not involve a service of any kind. No speeches. No tributes. Nada.
Click to expand...
Liked the way my dad's was - at his favorite watering hole "The Moncton Dart Club." Anyone who wanted to could stand and make a speech, but no one had to. There were three or four good speeches made about him, remembering various stages in his life
 
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