Dementia

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Yes, but sometimes circumstances change.
They do but unfortunately that doesn't really matter. AFAIK the only way to get the designated POA changed is to go to court. Very expensive and drawn out.

This really highlights the need to consider these decisions carefully in advance. It makes for awkward and uncomfortable conversations
 
As a UMC pastor, I used to visit Howard (age 95) who used to stagger 3 blocks to visit his wife Betty in a nearby nursing home. I felt badly for Howard because Betty had advanced Alzheimer's and would not acknowledge his presence. She was warehoused in her room in front of her window where she would just stare outside blankly all day. I got no reaction the first time I sat with her. One day when I was visiting others in that nursing home, I was about to pass by Betty's room when I felt overwhelmed by the sadness of Howard's daily vigil. So in a very emotional state, I went in and sat with Betty and said, "You must be a very special woman to have a husband like Howard who loves you so much that he visits you here every day!" To my surprise and delight, Betty suddenly came alive, clasped my hand, and with tears streaming down her face, said, "Oh, you're so kind to say something like that!" Such occasional moments of lucidity recommend patient perseverance in ministering to those with advanced dementia.
 
That is true, Mystic.
It is so hard though, especially in late stages.
It is heart-breaking to watch someone who is no longer capable of eating, then drinking and is anguished with animal like sounds.
The pain they experience as they approach death is horrendous.
I feel sad for anyone who will have a family member go through that
 
As a UMC pastor, I used to visit Howard (age 95) who used to stagger 3 blocks to visit his wife Betty in a nearby nursing home. I felt badly for Howard because Betty had advanced Alzheimer's and would not acknowledge his presence. She was warehoused in her room in front of her window where she would just stare outside blankly all day. I got no reaction the first time I sat with her. One day when I was visiting others in that nursing home, I was about to pass by Betty's room when I felt overwhelmed by the sadness of Howard's daily vigil. So in a very emotional state, I went in and sat with Betty and said, "You must be a very special woman to have a husband like Howard who loves you so much that he visits you here every day!" To my surprise and delight, Betty suddenly came alive, clasped my hand, and with tears streaming down her face, said, "Oh, you're so kind to say something like that!" Such occasional moments of lucidity recommend patient perseverance in ministering to those with advanced dementia.

There used to be a guideline for people in medical care that guided them to be careful of what you say in presence of the seemingly traumatized.

In true form of elimination ... we began to be taught there is no such thing as a comprehensive organ (mind, psyche, soul) and thus this essential cluster vanished as a human gift of connection! All that is left is rough passions ... voi*la! Or ... there it is ...

After deconstruction ... abstract de capsulations ... one has to open the mystery ... and powers desiring to overcome that ... declare it illicit! Why? Just guess why powers obscure or censure anything little more everything ... misinformation AL substances ...

These are preferred by tyrants ... as seen as lies from the bottom side ... no vapors? Esteemed powers ... pure pride ... who breeze ... raag winds! Colored ...

Word is like that ... ease of corruptions for the purpose of gods and wars ... sibling rivalry can be brutal ...
 
It is so hard though, especially in late stages.
It is heart-breaking to watch someone who is no longer capable of eating, then drinking and is anguished with animal like sounds.
The pain they experience as they approach death is horrendous.
I feel sad for anyone who will have a family member go through that

I don't know that all dementias end like this, Jayne. My father-in-law, except for some agitation and paranoia during the middle stages, never seemed very uncomfortable, and I saw him a couple of times most weeks, with my son. His wife was there daily, feeding him, and just being company. I wasn't there when he died, although I have described here, from my mother-in-law's description to me, of how Don seemed to wait for his daughter to get there before he passed peacefully.
 
I don't know that all dementias end like this, Jayne. My father-in-law, except for some agitation and paranoia during the middle stages, never seemed very uncomfortable, and I saw him a couple of times most weeks, with my son. His wife was there daily, feeding him, and just being company. I wasn't there when he died, although I have described here, from my mother-in-law's description to me, of how Don seemed to wait for his daughter to get there before he passed peacefully.
Concur.

Like many illnesses and people's essence and care facilities, experience may differ
 
I don't know that all dementias end like this, Jayne. My father-in-law, except for some agitation and paranoia during the middle stages, never seemed very uncomfortable, and I saw him a couple of times most weeks, with my son. His wife was there daily, feeding him, and just being company. I wasn't there when he died, although I have described here, from my mother-in-law's description to me, of how Don seemed to wait for his daughter to get there before he passed peacefully.
Not sure if it would be considered dementia or not, but my Grandpa was mentally fine until he ended up in hospital. I think my mom would have been aware as she suspected my Grandma's hearing loss was being an excuse when early dementia signs were showing up and she had trouble following things (and she had collapsed ear canals so there was hearing loss too that hearing aids weren't all too helpful with).
In hospital though it was discovered my Grandpa had brain atrophy and one doctor was surprised to hear that he had been managing at home. His reason for being in the hospital was multifaceted - couldn't get up out of bed one day, his knees were shot so that added to it, but he was extremely fatigued and turned out he had pneumonia. There were a lot of questions that if the fatigue was resolved, what his mental capacity would be, rather a sudden shift that way.

He was in the hospital for a while, but it wasn't all that long. With him it was almost like a gradual dying in his sleep. Even after the pneumonia was dealt with he was never awake for long and had trouble eating simply due to the inability to keep him alert enough, he would start drifting off. It was rather peaceful although a bit unfortunate it was a bit drawn out in a hospital as it isn't the most comfortable place. I think of it as a good death. The suffering I was aware of was due to his knees (and being apart from my grandma during her last few years, his mobility factored into that too), and that had been a long term thing.
 
I have a neighbour and she appears to have some form of dementia, and her family is aware of this. Her licence has been taken away and the car sold. She lives alone and has many friends and supportive family.
She often comes over to talk in the evening and appears to be more agitated on occasion.
She doesn't understand why she can't have her licence back or why her daughter wants her to always be close to her phone when she calls. She doesn't appear to have been told she has dementia. I will not be telling her, that is not my place.
My question is....would you want to know if you had it?
If you've had a family member with dementia, did you tell them or not?
What was your reasoning either way?
An update on my neighbour.
A bed became available for her and she was packed up and moved by her family to a nursing home against her will....and I am livid and upset for her. All these decisions were made for her. She still converses and has more ability to be at someplace more " in between" than having the next step be a nursing home. Problem is, there are no in between places. Retirement homes don't want you because you may get worse down the road and they don't want to be "stuck" with anyone who may not get a bed right away.....so there she is...listening to babble from many patients who can't communicate and maybe not understand and sharing a room with someone who is bedridden most of the time and can't speak. She had her dog of 12 years taken away and told they will bring the dog for visits, but he was given to someone who has no intention of fulfilling this. She was like her companion that she loved very much.
When I visit, she is depressed and doesn't understand why she is in place like this, and to be honest she's in a nursing home too soon. I can still have a pleasant conversation with her and quite frankly she needs more of that stimulation IMO.
DEAR GOD, this could be us someday!
End of rant... for now
 
An update on my neighbour.
A bed became available for her and she was packed up and moved by her family to a nursing home against her will....and I am livid and upset for her. All these decisions were made for her. She still converses and has more ability to be at someplace more " in between" than having the next step be a nursing home. Problem is, there are no in between places. Retirement homes don't want you because you may get worse down the road and they don't want to be "stuck" with anyone who may not get a bed right away.....so there she is...listening to babble from many patients who can't communicate and maybe not understand and sharing a room with someone who is bedridden most of the time and can't speak. She had her dog of 12 years taken away and told they will bring the dog for visits, but he was given to someone who has no intention of fulfilling this. She was like her companion that she loved very much.
When I visit, she is depressed and doesn't understand why she is in place like this, and to be honest she's in a nursing home too soon. I can still have a pleasant conversation with her and quite frankly she needs more of that stimulation IMO.
DEAR GOD, this could be us someday!
End of rant... for now

The disposal of auld salts ... as fresh folk hate wisdom and love volition! I am going to go gladly to escape the surroundings ... like Moses Muse'n on Suez Ide ... how psyche went down converted! Its a deep matter ...

Remember reverence and appreciation is not a well dispersed condition of personality ... this may develop into hypo Nautica affair ... underlying superficial positions ... least understood of all!

I shall sit there with open staring eyes ... the image of the detached mentality ... for threads just don't connect well ... dark networking?
 
Some retirement homes have memory care units and the like but they are frightfully expensive.
She is not in one unfortunately and probably can't afford that....last summer she was still driving and taking care of herself....the memory problems then started to present itself slowly....I think this is premature but I have no input. She really needs an advocate to fight for her rights....I would have thought a retirement home first so her meals are prepared and help with showers which she can do, but......ah well.
Her family is very involved, but I think they were scared about missing out on a bed that was close by when she would need it.
 
I remember reading about kids in the 1920s who were orphans being placed in homes for developmently handicapped, the orphans would adapt to the other kids behaviours just because they thought that was all that was expected of them....even though their intelligence was normal.
I think she will go downhill fast in that environment....too sad and frustrating.
Canada and Ontario should be doing better.
She told me the nurses even wondered why she was there.
 
Elder Care is a huge and growing problem. On the plus side there is a big house a couple of blocks down my road that houses half a dozen Elders. They each have a private room, meals are prepared, activities are organised, assistance given as needed with personal care etc. Everything I hear has been positive.
 
Elder Care is a huge and growing problem. On the plus side there is a big house a couple of blocks down my road that houses half a dozen Elders. They each have a private room, meals are prepared, activities are organised, assistance given as needed with personal care etc. Everything I hear has been positive.
I'm so glad to hear some places exist like that.
 
@Waterfall -- I hear you about the need for in-between care. I think that's what my mom could use. I called about putting her on a list for long term care but they said she had to be ready to go immediately whenever she got the call. Also, they wondered if I had discussed this with her. Does that make sense though? When she was of sound mind, she said...Don't listen to me if I say I don't want to go. Her mind now is happy to have her daughters take complete care of her, and she makes very few decisions. She will need a home someday, but when? I think your neighbour's family probably thought it would be later down the road, and then were forced into an immediate decision by an inflexible system.
 
How does one make a decision when every soul on this earth has been given an opposing position? It is said in texts that we a re autonomous and isolated until we get over out irrational opinions and do alternately ... the escape is designated! It requires time ... as Seeler said in another thread!
 
Nobody can be admitted to LTC without their consent unless they are declared legally incapacitated.
She must have had the conversation with someone from the system and signed papers. She might not remember.
There should be more options for different levels of function, that’s for sure.
It is sometimes difficult to see how much progressed dementia is, especially if the person is a gentle soul. Like my 93 yr old neighbour. One would only notice that he keeps repeating and asking the same questions. He never remembered that his doctor said he can’t drive anymore and kept asking to get his car back.

The mother in law of a friend of mine had early dementia. The family didn’t notice, and when she had trouble driving a standard, they bought her an automatic car. Thankfully they realized it soon after that. She was in her early sixties.
 
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