Carl

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I read through this and tears were streaming down my face. I am having a hard time understanding how this woman could bring this 4 yr old kid to Canada, integrate him into life here - let him call her mom! - and then send him back to Haiti. No matter what challenges he has. She and her husband are best suited to look after him, and because of them he re adapted to life here.it's sad and makes me angry.

http://newsinteractives.cbc.ca/longform/haiti-disabled-orphan-charity
 

Tabitha

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Moving story but does show the difficulties. I think it was the behaviour and learning issues that scared the family. Mary does say "If he could hurt meas a five year old, what will happen as he gets bigger?" and that is a valid point. What they thought was an easily fixable oropedic problem-club feet-morphed into arthrogyposis-a lifelong disabling condition. This is not a kid that will grow out of his difficulties and be independent. Life long support will be needed.
It would have been a lifelong committment-and then what? Mary will be in her 50s when Carl is 15. Her 60s when he is 25 and then her 70s when he is 35.

Tough decisons all around.
 

Luce NDs

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Moving story but does show the difficulties. I think it was the behaviour and learning issues that scared the family. Mary does say "If he could hurt meas a five year old, what will happen as he gets bigger?" and that is a valid point. What they thought was an easily fixable oropedic problem-club feet-morphed into arthrogyposis-a lifelong disabling condition. This is not a kid that will grow out of his difficulties and be independent. Life long support will be needed.
It would have been a lifelong committment-and then what? Mary will be in her 50s when Carl is 15. Her 60s when he is 25 and then her 70s when he is 35.

Tough decisons all around.
Yet some insist life is bliss ... could it be a false environment they're in? Oyster IHC Syndrome ... san pounding affinity ...
 

revsdd

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As the parent of an internationally adopted child (from China) this is an issue that gets talked about now and then. What do you do if your child turns out to have major medical problems? Pretty much every parent I've known in the international adoption community would say "you cope - because there are no guarantees whether you adopt the child or the child is born to you." Of course, as adoptive parents you have no real choice because you've accepted legal responsibilities for the child. This family didn't do that. This wasn't an adoption and wasn't planned to be an adoption. Having said that, when I first read about this story a few weeks ago I had mixed emotions - some like yours, Kimmio - but this was always supposed to be a time limited arrangement for Carl to get medical care - which turned out to be far more complicated than originally thought, as Tabitha notes. So they never accepted any legal obligations to support Carl for the rest of his life. The problem is that inevitably there's a degree of emotional bonding that takes place. In this case, "Mom" bonded more than her husband if I remember correctly. He always kept clear that this was not a permanent arrangement. It's a difficult case, but I can understand the decision the family made, as hard as it must have been on everyone.
 
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Luce NDs

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As the parent of an internationally adopted child (from China) this is an issue that gets talked about now and then. What do you do if your child turns out to have major medical problems? Pretty much every parent I've known in the international adoption community would say "you cope - because there are no guarantees whether you adopt the child or the child is born to you." Of course, as adoptive parents you have no real choice because you've accepted legal responsibilities for the child. This family didn't do that. This wasn't an adoption and wasn't planned to be an adoption. Having said that, when I first read about this story a few weeks ago I had mixed emotions - some like yours, Kimmio - but this was always supposed to be a time limited arrangement for Carl to get medical care - which turned out to be far more complicated than originally thought, as Tabitha notes. So they never accepted any legal obligations to support Carl for the rest of his life. The problem is that inevitably there's a degree of emotional bonding that takes place. In this case, "Mom" bonded more than her husband if I remember correctly. He always kept clear that this was not a permanent arrangement. It's a difficult case, but I can understand the decision the family made, as hard as it must have been on everyone.

This certainty and fixation is out the window? O' the debates that can ensue ... and go on subtly!
 

Pinga

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I watched the show. They brought him to Canada simply to have surgery. He was to return. He ended up staying longer and longer as more items showed up.

It was interesting that the social workers engaged said that she would have more problems with his departure then he would. He hadn't bonded with her in the same way that she had with him.
 

Lastpointe

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I watched it too and it did tug at my heart. Poor little guy. So many strikes against him

But my understanding was that the family brought him here, to give him surgery in order to make his life in Haiti better. Isuppose with the idea he might get adopted there. It is sort of like the kids who come here for surgery through the Herbie fund. The purpose is surgery, not adoption

But it was still quite a sad story

I took it as a bit of a cautionary take about how we Canadians can swoop in to solve problems, but we dont necessarily do that
 

Waterfall

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I don't really want to judge this situation.. it's one thing to read about it and another to live it. Carl was given a wonderful gift and hopefully the couple that embarked on this journey will offer advice to any others who undertake a temporary journey of hope that involves an eventual return to their primary home.
 

Luce NDs

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Can mire humanity determine the right from wrong .... given what we know about the eternal situation?


Yet still some will say they know ... however in my experiences I say we know little and what we learn we never kling-on ... and thus it goes somewhere ... like ergo-stimulus ... the steroid in fungi! At night some psychologists say some dark banded force reorganizes what we knew yesterday ... so Dejah Vous is blown ...

One really has to look into the axis of the dark vortex ... but from a safe distance as you could get roasted or sucked in --- Dante! Sort of like becoming a power ... ergo you could be corrupted as in cognito ergo sum ... or therefore as the intellect adds up! However humans quickly loose ID do to the rush ...
 
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I wonder though...if he had fewer challenges, would they have adopted him? It's not his fault.

Then, to go so far as integrating him into the family, putting him in normal school - for 2 of his formative years (a long time in little kid years) he lived in Canada. And to have him call her "mom" then send him back to a place where his prospects are bleak. I am disappointed that they would do that. That's all. It was a nice gesture at first - but this is a little kid with no one to "belong" to and therefore I think they should've been thinking more long term in the first place, aware that medical diagnosis and treatment isn't always straight forward. If he feels abandoned at that age - and left there - it could hurt him.
 

Pinga

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If he had had fewer challenges, he wouldn't have stayed so long, so no, unlikely they would have adopted him.
If he had had no disabilities, he would never have been brought to Canada in the first place.
 

ChemGal

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If he had had fewer challenges, he wouldn't have stayed so long, so no, unlikely they would have adopted him.
If he had had no disabilities, he would never have been brought to Canada in the first place.
I agree. The seemed to specify that ALL the children in the orphanage were special to them and clearly they weren't going to adopt them all.

Also the Mom label did seem to be explained. It didn't appear to necessarily have the same connection due to how the term was used in Haiti.
 
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He's a little kid. He cannot be expected to understand that they were never in it for the long haul. Put yourself in his shoes, not theirs. He has no say in the situation. Plus, if their other kids call Mary "mom", and he too calls Mary mom - and he gets distressed about the mention of Haiti to the point they have to lie and trick him into going - and he's been living in Canada for two years - he is closer to what he's learned in Canada than to Haiti. Canada is home now. He gets sent back,the other kids who call her mom, get to stay. I don't doubt that's what he understands. I think it's sad and too bad he went back there. Chances of him being adopted and having a good life there are low. He gets a start and has it nipped in the bud. I'm sorry to say, but I think they made excuses saying he belongs to Haiti.They shouldn't have taken this on to let him down like that. I know they wanted to do good it's just that I feel more sorry for Carl than anything they would have to deal with.
 

ChemGal

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He's a little kid. He cannot be expected to understand that they were never in it for the long haul. Put yourself in his shoes, not theirs. He has no say in the situation. Plus, if their other kids call Mary "mom", and he too calls Mary mom - and he gets distressed about the mention of Haiti to the point they have to lie and trick him into going - and he's been living in Canada for two years - he is closer to what he's learned in Canada than to Haiti. Canada is home now. He gets sent back,the other kids who call her mom, get to stay. I don't doubt that's what he understands. I think it's sad and too bad he went back there. Chances of him being adopted and having a good life there are low. He gets a start and has it nipped in the bud. I'm sorry to say, but I think they made excuses saying he belongs to Haiti.They shouldn't have taken this on to let him down like that. I know they wanted to do good it's just that I feel more sorry for Carl than anything they would have to deal with.
So you think he would have been better off if he was just left there right to start with?
 
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So you think he would have been better off if he was just left there right to start with?
No. But I don't necessarily think he's better off, emotionally, having known a loving family for two years in Canada, an opportunity to go to school and learn here - two years is a long time at an important stage of his development - only to be sent back to a Haitian orphanage. The fact that he can now walk with crutches is cold comfort. A little kid doesn't understand that was not a natural achievement. He may not remember much about not walking the same way as we forget being toddlers. Like I said, two years is ages for a little kid. Now his loving family is sending him back to a place he wanted to forget, seeing as it distressed him to hear Haiti mentioned. He knew Canadian comforts and has been sent back to Haiti - one of the poorest places in the world. What'd he do to deserve that? I am very sorry they felt that was necessary and there weren't other options - nobody stepped in to offer them. I can't imagine it.
 
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If they really feel they can't do it, then I hope another family who has the means will see the story and adopt Carl. There must be someone in Canada willing and able to do it.
 
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