Can You Love Someone and Not Like Them?

[Waterfall]

The question is, how many attributes can you dislike before you can say you dislike the person as a whole? And is that enough that you can also not love the person?

There in lies the rub, especially when people change over time and you find you have less in common with them.
As far as mental health is concerned, these situations may change someone to almost unrecognizable, the decisions some take are to be more supportive and encouraging, while others may walk away.

 

[Mendalla]

As far as mental health is concerned, these situations may change someone to almost unrecognizable, the decisions some take are to be more supportive and encouraging, while others may walk away.

And sometimes, sadly, walking away after being supportive and encouraging without success is the best option to protect their own mental health. If someone resists attempts to help or, worse, becomes abusive in that resistance, how far are you expected to go before you cut your losses?

Our culture has placed too much emphasis on the selflessness of love and not enough on the importance of loving and caring for oneself in order to better love and care for others.

 

[Waterfall]

Our culture has placed too much emphasis on the selflessness of love and not enough on the importance of loving and caring for oneself in order to better love and care for others.

That's interesting you say that because for me, what I've observed is the other way around.

 

[Delightful Life]

Can you love someone and not like them?
Had this discussion the other day...

Thank you, Waterfall
I have experienced new thoughts
Wow :3

 

[Carolla]

There in lies the rub, especially when people change over time and you find you have less in common with them.
As far as mental health is concerned, these situations may change someone to almost unrecognizable, the decisions some take are to be more supportive and encouraging, while others may walk away.

I saw this posted today & thought of this discussion - this is certainly a situation I have encountered as my life goes on. There are some people in my circles where estrangement has occured in our relationship - I still love them, despite being out of contact now. There are a few others whom I've never really liked, but don't wish them any ill - seems not quite love perhaps in that case, or perhaps it is.

 

[Mendalla]

That's interesting you say that because for me, what I've observed is the other way around.

I think that's way we swing today, but for much of our cultural history, we had people, usually women, sacrificing themselves or their happiness for love in novels, movies, plays, etc. We may not behave that way, but it is how popular culture has historically taught us to behave and has upheld as the ideal love.

And note my rider of "to better love and care for others." What I suspect you are thinking of is just pure self-love without that rider. What I am thinking of is the middle ground between selfish love and selfless love, which is probably where we need to be.

And keep in mind that if one person in a relationship is being selfless, there's a pretty good chance the other is being selfish. If both were selfless, it would probably go just as badly as if both were selfish. Another reason why I think a middle ground is needed.

 

[Waterfall]

I saw this posted today & thought of this discussion - this is certainly a situation I have encountered as my life goes on. There are some people in my circles where estrangement has occured in our relationship - I still love them, despite being out of contact now. There are a few others whom I've never really liked, but don't wish them any ill - seems not quite love perhaps in that case, or perhaps it is.

Such a sad reflection...but I suppose reconciliation takes time, maybe years....just as things get worse, is it possible for relations to get better if we take the time? Or just a time out?

 

[Waterfall]

I think that's way we swing today, but for much of our cultural history, we had people, usually women, sacrificing themselves or their happiness for love in novels, movies, plays, etc. We may not behave that way, but it is how popular culture has historically taught us to behave and has upheld as the ideal love.

And note my rider of "to better love and care for others." What I suspect you are thinking of is just pure self-love without that rider. What I am thinking of is the middle ground between selfish love and selfless love, which is probably where we need to be.

And keep in mind that if one person in a relationship is being selfless, there's a pretty good chance the other is being selfish. If both were selfless, it would probably go just as badly as if both were selfish. Another reason why I think a middle ground is needed.

Middle ground, I suspect, means both parties might have to take some of the responsibility and awareness upon themselves to achieve this.

 

[Mendalla]

Middle ground, I suspect, means both parties might have to take some of the responsibility and awareness upon themselves to achieve this.

Yeppers. And I think that's where a lot of relationships founder. If one person is doing all the heavy lifting or one is undercutting what the other is doing then things will not go well.

 

[Luce NDs]

In my mother' 95th year or thereabouts she wept and shed tears, gnashed teeth over me going to hell because I didn;t ponder the eternal as she did ... I contemplated differently and thus crossed tracks ...

She still declared I was stupid like by father ... and I ask what was the reason for his stupefaction and feeling hit with the impact of ham 'here ... thus Ba Con ...

Ba is soul and con is against it thus explaining counter thing king ... matter being as scattered as intellect ... intervening?

Few pondered that way ...

 

[jimkenney12]

There are several kinds of love. I did not like the person my mother was for quite a while, but I understood why she was the person she was. I cared about her a great deal, and did a lot for her, especially for the last 10 years or so of her life from being with her in hospital emergency rooms till 4 am, to using my authority as signing authority for her banking accounts to spend her money on improvements for her house to make her more comfortable, especially upgraded windows for the living room and kitchen where she spent most of her time. It meant she could sit by the LR window and watch people go by without getting chilled. I had similar issues eith my sisters, caring about them without liking the people they were. There are some relationships that are important enough to care about the people without liking them.

Then there is the love of lust, of desiring access to a person one might not like, source of story lines for many novels.

 

[JayneWonders]

I can love someone, and not like their actions. That not liking their actions can appear to be not liking them, especially if those actions are a huge part of how they interact with me.

 

[Nancy]

My childhood friend said these very words about her adopted son a long time ago....She said: I love him, but I don't much like him right now. He was in a very bad place in life...doing drugs, hanging out with the wrong people and eventually went to jail for armed robbery. She never gave up on the love part though. After jail, he turned his life around...has a lovely family, works at his own business, and loves and supports his mom. Now my friend really likes and loves her son.

 

[Carolla]

Such a sad reflection...but I suppose reconciliation takes time, maybe years....just as things get worse, is it possible for relations to get better if we take the time? Or just a time out?

Reconcilliation is not always a healthy goal. When it is a goal, yes, it takes time, persistence and careful intention to try to make it happen - one's efforts may or may not be well received by the other, and being prepared for that is important too. Does time simply heal fractured relationship - I don't really think so.

 

[Waterfall]

Reconcilliation is not always a healthy goal. When it is a goal, yes, it takes time, persistence and careful intention to try to make it happen - one's efforts may or may not be well received by the other, and being prepared for that is important too. Does time simply heal fractured relationship - I don't really think so.

I would agree time without trying to repair the relationship on both sides is pointless, yes

 

[JayneWonders]

Reconcilliation is not always a healthy goal. When it is a goal, yes, it takes time, persistence and careful intention to try to make it happen - one's efforts may or may not be well received by the other, and being prepared for that is important too. Does time simply heal fractured relationship - I don't really think so.

I would agree time without trying to repair the relationship on both sides is pointless, yes

I concur that reconciliation is not always a healthy goal.

I am comfortable in not having a relationship with a few people. Yet, there are those who have 2 or 3 degrees of separation that feel that is wrong, and that I should do everything to attempt to build a relationship.

I get that the push by others is because the fractured relationships are with two of my siblings, but...I wish people would accept that I do know and have made a conscious and well thought out processing to get to where I am. There are consequences of course to my decision. There are confidentialities that I will not share with anyone other than a professional counsellor due to the ripple effects of those items.

I just wish people would accept that it is ok to make that decision. That the pressure to repair relationships can be an unhealthy recommendation.

 

[Luce NDs]

Thus the cosmological aura continues as an oppositional pole ... until fusion! Then everything suffers fallacy and drops out ... a mere comprehension ... thus a lessor power! Thoughts go down in hysterics ... you can hear distant ripples of laughter ... diabolical to those demanding silence among the people ... except for the peeps ... frogs?