chansen
Still waiting...
- Pronouns
- He/Him/His
Today marked 4 years and 9 days for my son Zachary. The significance of that is 4 years and 9 days is the age at which Carter died.
This milestone, as weird as it sounds, has been on my radar for some time. I've been rather fixated on it. Distractingly so. This group was along for the journey with Carter, but you've not heard much about Zachary. Suffice to say, no news is good news.
Zachary has walked into school, is learning to read, and is doing all the things we were hoping Carter might one day accomplish. And still it seems...wrong. This weird do-over. I didn't want a do-over. I was kinda hoping for a girl so the comparisons wouldn't be so easy. I can tell you he has no interest in women like Carter had. He will be gloriously awkward around them like his father. He's aggressive like Carter, but not necessarily athletically gifted like him. His confidence lags a little behind his abilities. Carter's confidence outpaced his abilities - he thought he could do anything. Claire's confidence needs constant affirmation, prodding and then a shot of whiskey to do anything physical. And then she's fine, but it's awful getting her there.
Zach looks like Claire. Claire's pictures at this age could be Zach. Carter was the anomaly. Carter looked odd for the longest time.
So, as I think back, thanks to Wondercafe for being there during that time. You guys probably had more access to what was going on than our extended families. And your support and the presence of many of you at the funeral meant a lot.
No, I haven't been drinking.
This milestone, as weird as it sounds, has been on my radar for some time. I've been rather fixated on it. Distractingly so. This group was along for the journey with Carter, but you've not heard much about Zachary. Suffice to say, no news is good news.
Zachary has walked into school, is learning to read, and is doing all the things we were hoping Carter might one day accomplish. And still it seems...wrong. This weird do-over. I didn't want a do-over. I was kinda hoping for a girl so the comparisons wouldn't be so easy. I can tell you he has no interest in women like Carter had. He will be gloriously awkward around them like his father. He's aggressive like Carter, but not necessarily athletically gifted like him. His confidence lags a little behind his abilities. Carter's confidence outpaced his abilities - he thought he could do anything. Claire's confidence needs constant affirmation, prodding and then a shot of whiskey to do anything physical. And then she's fine, but it's awful getting her there.
Zach looks like Claire. Claire's pictures at this age could be Zach. Carter was the anomaly. Carter looked odd for the longest time.
So, as I think back, thanks to Wondercafe for being there during that time. You guys probably had more access to what was going on than our extended families. And your support and the presence of many of you at the funeral meant a lot.
No, I haven't been drinking.