4 years and 9 days

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chansen

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Today marked 4 years and 9 days for my son Zachary. The significance of that is 4 years and 9 days is the age at which Carter died.

This milestone, as weird as it sounds, has been on my radar for some time. I've been rather fixated on it. Distractingly so. This group was along for the journey with Carter, but you've not heard much about Zachary. Suffice to say, no news is good news.

Zachary has walked into school, is learning to read, and is doing all the things we were hoping Carter might one day accomplish. And still it seems...wrong. This weird do-over. I didn't want a do-over. I was kinda hoping for a girl so the comparisons wouldn't be so easy. I can tell you he has no interest in women like Carter had. He will be gloriously awkward around them like his father. He's aggressive like Carter, but not necessarily athletically gifted like him. His confidence lags a little behind his abilities. Carter's confidence outpaced his abilities - he thought he could do anything. Claire's confidence needs constant affirmation, prodding and then a shot of whiskey to do anything physical. And then she's fine, but it's awful getting her there.

Zach looks like Claire. Claire's pictures at this age could be Zach. Carter was the anomaly. Carter looked odd for the longest time.

So, as I think back, thanks to Wondercafe for being there during that time. You guys probably had more access to what was going on than our extended families. And your support and the presence of many of you at the funeral meant a lot.

No, I haven't been drinking.
 

Carolla

wondering & wandering
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Sending gentle thoughts your way this evening chansen. Yes - it was certainly an intense journey you all experienced with Carter and I felt honoured that you trusted us enough to allow us to accompany you. Zach sounds like his own person, not a do-over; just as Carter was his own person, and Claire is hers. Now you will venture into new realms together.
 

ChemGal

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I imagine a bit of a weird feeling as your youngest ages past where the eldest memories you have of Carter.
It is a fun age - oldest nephew is less than a month behind -so far I think most of them are fun ages (although youngest has more of the terrible 2s then the older one had).
I hope you can stay a bit grounded while going through the next little while.
 

Northwind

Still knitting. Walking the path to health.
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I remember when Carter was born. How proud you were. I remember the picture of you holding him. There was so much promise. How can all that be so long ago. When I saw it was you who started this thread, I thought that might have been how long ago that Carter died. Oh man.

Of course you will compare Zachary with Carter. That's very natural and to some degree expected. All part of the grieving process. I thank you for trusting us with your journey.

Sending gentle hugs your way.
 

Tabitha

journeying
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WoW. Time does pass quickly. Zach is now, in some ways, stepping out of Carter's shadow. As he lives longer than Carter, he can no longer be measured against him.

Carter was much loved and celebrated in his way to short life. His road was very different, involving Drs and Hospitals, and AED's. He taught you things. You saved his life with that AED.

And now your family walks a different path. Thanks for the glimpses you give us Chansen and wishing the 4 of you much joy, as well as the day to day work of parenting children-who often have their own agendas.
 

Nancy

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I wasn't here during those beginning Carter years, but that doesn't mean that I don't get the whole feeling of this post. I almost wrote that I wasn't here for your Carter years, and then I thought...your Carter years will last as long as you do. So I added the adjective. Your family sounds wonderful, quirky, and resilient. Love and enjoy, and hugs for the memories.
 

BetteTheRed

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Gentle thoughts for you and your family, chansen, as you pass through this memory milestone.
 

chansen

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WoW. Time does pass quickly. Zach is now, in some ways, stepping out of Carter's shadow. As he lives longer than Carter, he can no longer be measured against him.
I hadn't really thought of it like that. Thanks.
 

chansen

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A Zachary anecdote. I hope I haven't told it here before:

Last spring at the end of year school assembly, we attended to watch the performance of Claire's class. We dutifully stayed until the end of the performances, even though I wanted to leave, because, well, I'm a terrible person.

As we filed out with the rest of the parents, We spoke to the principal. We told the principal that Zachary would be arriving in September and that he should take any early retirement package he can get.

"Oh no, I'm sure he'll be fine," replied the principal.

I shook my head and muttered, "sucker" under my breath.

Zachary turns around to the principal and yells, "SUCKER!"

My son's first word to his current principal.
 

Luce NDs

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With such words one can be drawn in or in past tense druid! Perhaps a fluid future tense ... that can reduce even Jacobs to tiers ... of laughter!

Is that de moni shed ...
 
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Kids say the darndest things. Lol. I have a few memories of my brother (1/2 brother) who is almost 13 yrs younger - so as a teen I thought such gaffes were especially hilarious - repeating adults (or possibly his older siblings :eek: - betweeen my dad and their mom he has 3 older siblings) swearing and cussing when they didn’t think he heard them, but pronouncing things wrong/ in a little kid way anyway, so it was cute, and everyone was embarrassed. We’d tell him to hush, visibly but badly trying to hold back any sign of amusement - and he’d giggle and laugh and say it again. And then everyone was in stitches. Good times.
 
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Nancy

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Precocious kids! My oldest son had never heard a swear word, but felt the need...so he invented his own when he was around 3 or 4 years old. Somehow I thought I'd have a little more control than I did (my first, so many assumptions!) Like when I kept toy guns away from him, but every LEGO structure he created was a gun. (How did he know about them???)
 

BetteTheRed

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Unfortunately my children grew up with me. I'm not saying their first word was the f bomb, but it might have been close, LOL.
 

Luce NDs

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The "f" word is functional when used rarely for impulse! Pejorative for getting dull words ready to role ... circular process?
 

Lastpointe

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It is hard to fathom that so much time has passed. I feel quite honoured that you shared the arc of Carters life with all of us
 

Tabitha

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Wishing you many more family memories.
Yesterday I was on a fieldtrip with grade 2s. One boy who I spent most of of my day with asked if he could have a playdate with one of my boys. I said "No" as my boys were all grown up, and I showed him a photo on my phone!
 
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