“I am sorry you feel that way”

[Mrs.Anteater]

Interesting article in Psychology today

"I’m Sorry You Feel That Way" and Other Gaslighting Tactics

Why non-apologies do more harm than good.

www.psychologytoday.com

The expression is one I have seen used on WC2 as well.
It is clearly a way of ending a conversation. Is it always bad? Is there a better way to do it? Do we always have to react to someone’s feelings/ opinions or is it ok to just say- I can’t / want to deal with this right now?

 

[Luce NDs]

Interesting article in Psychology today

"I’m Sorry You Feel That Way" and Other Gaslighting Tactics

Why non-apologies do more harm than good.

www.psychologytoday.com

The expression is one I have seen used on WC2 as well.
It is clearly a way of ending a conversation. Is it always bad? Is there a better way to do it? Do we always have to react to someone’s feelings/ opinions or is it ok to just say- I can’t / want to deal with this right now?

Has a divine nature of schism and turning toward private good or social stabilization ... some say an imagined pragmatism! Thus we might be in limbo and not fully flamed yet! So many decisions for mortals that tend to biased judgements ... given how little we know ...

Otherwise would be have this gross human situation due to who we put on pedestals (even though there is literature that states we shouldn't make vows and ideals because of the taxing nature of life as it moves) ... and what do we do? Encourages eternal motives ... to get out of here!

 

[Mendalla]

The problem with it is that it does not acknowledge that there is a problem on the side of the speaker. It puts all the onus on the person receiving the non-apology. And there may be times where that may be true. The problem is that it is most often used by people in situation where it is not to deflect.\

If a woman tells me I did something that I harassed her through my actions or words, the onus is not on her. It is on me. It is not her feelings that are the problem, it is my actions. Ditto racial, sexual, etc. offense. More often than not, it is not that person's feelings that are at issue, it is what the speaker of the non-apology has said or done. Deflecting is avoiding taking responsibility and doing it this pushes that responsibility onto the other party even if it is the speaker's actions or words that are the real issue.

Now, if we are talking, say, a conversation about religious views/beliefs, an area where there is legitimate disagreement, telling the other person we are sorry they feel hurt is probably okay in some scenarios. We are allowed to criticize subjective beliefs and opinions around here (and elsewhere) even if it does hurt feelings. I should not have to nerf my criticism of Trump or of RC scandals because it upsets someone else's apple cart.

 

[Northwind]

I agree with @Mendalla. I can't add anything right now.

Now I'll read the article.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

One situation I could maybe see this expression useful is in dealing with people with borderline personality disorder. I definitely would not want to get into the drama these people create.

 

[ChemGal]

I think the phrase is fine to use when the situation fits.
It's not an apology.

 

[jimkenney12]

The reality is that it is used too often in place of an apology.

 

[Northwind]

I think the phrase is fine to use when the situation fits.

What would be an appropriate situation?

 

[Luce NDs]

Is it not just acknowledging that someone looks at something differently and thus opens a gap in your commonality?

Some really flash when others are a bit different ... and thus open big gaps ... with consequences causing dissociation. It happens quite often in the field of denial and that person is shunned as an object of misrepresentation as the subject never attempted to find reason for the friction!

The gears of deeper understanding should be better greased! Thus this area grinds on better ... life is like that for many and the grind is borderline ...

 

[jimkenney12]

When we are attacked for expressing an opinion or belief by another person, it would be appropriate to respond with "I am sorry that..." followed by "Please explain to me why you attacked me for that belief or opinion." There could be other appropriate situations. A common one would be a discussion in a class when a controversial view is expressed. For example, a history class in which a true but tragic event such as the destruction of "Black Wall Street" is described and a person is upset that the history of that event is lifted up making them feel uncomfortable.

 

[paradox3]

Agreed that the expression has is place. However it is almost becoming meaningless because it is so often used as a pseudo-apology.

 

[Northwind]

To me it sounds condescending when someone says they're sorry you feel a certain way. Who is to determine how another is supposed to feel? Even if it's something like "I'm sorry you feel that way but it's still not going to happen". Are you really sorry? Don't get me started on but.

 

[Luce NDs]

Always expect rebound reactions ... the character of the rebound depends on what side the original probe originated ... an absolute, or abstract! It is a mental leaning ...

 

[Mendalla]

To me it sounds condescending when someone says they're sorry you feel a certain way.

If it is given in a response to a condescending expression of feeling, I am fine with this. Someone complaining that having their bigotry called out makes them uncomfortable doesn't deserve better. It bloody well should make them feel uncomfortable.

 

[Luce NDs]

If it is given in a response to a condescending expression of feeling, I am fine with this. Someone complaining that having their bigotry called out makes them uncomfortable doesn't deserve better. It bloody well should make them feel uncomfortable.

Thus satyr shifts along the line to Sarah Chasm ... that space over our heads! We strain to dump thoughts there in a rush ... a passion process ...

Makes for great comic tragedies ... when observed from the objective ... an OBI? That's kind 've out there or beyond normal and thus paranormal ... a thing considered by prophets, mystics and clairvoyants in which there are a lot of deceitful voyeurs only there for advantage ... anything else is not virtue bur sheer abstract ... imaginary as a distant psyche to escape to ... thus one gets out! Like Lawrence left Arabia ...

The immaterial you find in written matter resembles the unmoving mover if you read it as fixed ... when the myths are taking on the interpretive zones ... then it alters unconsciously to a sector of the populace! These must be filtered and screened like flour ... fleur de Liza?

With a spark in the milling there could be trouble ... pyros? Thus homologues as metaphors in another tradition ... word is like that not eternally established ... warring Eros's ...

Pseudomonas's lye, or post more doom ... spectacularly stunned?

 

[ChemGal]

What would be an appropriate situation?

Someone decides to go to an Italian place for a major birthday with many invited. A close friend says I hate Italian food why would you do that knowing I hate it? Birthday person says I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's my birthday and I'm celebrating with many. Maybe we can do something the 2 of us another time?

 

[Northwind]

Someone decides to go to an Italian place for a major birthday with many invited. A close friend says I hate Italian food why would you do that knowing I hate it? Birthday person says I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's my birthday and I'm celebrating with many. Maybe we can do something the 2 of us another time?

That works.

I guess I would never speak about another person's feelings. That's a casualty of my career.

 

[ChemGal]

That works.

I guess I would never speak about another person's feelings. That's a casualty of my career.

Less so about the emotions and moreso about the why. Ie. Being sad someone is late - wouldn't use it then. Someone thinks the person choose a route with a lot of traffic to make them sad for being late, yes.
The phrase feels awkward to say 'I'm sorry you think that'.

 

[Northwind]

Less so about the emotions and moreso about the why. Ie. Being sad someone is late - wouldn't use it then. Someone thinks the person choose a route with a lot of traffic to make them sad for being late, yes.
The phrase feels awkward to say 'I'm sorry you think that'.

I guess I wouldn't even say I'm sorry there. If the friend were that important, I would take their preferences into consideration. The bottom line is they have the choice to join us or not. If they chose to join us, they can pick something on the menu they like. It's just not something I would say even though I see how it would work in that context.

 

[Luce NDs]

What can we do with apologetic Christians if we can't feel bad about when they did things they were not aware of or thought about ... then of course there are those that say don't think or know such things ... and thus dark spots in the greater psyches! Thus mute or mutated as unspeakable.

Speaks heaps of the unknown mind ... it stacks up in the night! Imagine if some of the stupid, unknown things you've done, haunt yah; would that be labelled conned science? All in the study of ethereal things and non consequential matters! You can black these out with fits of psychosis!

They become things that are no longer or thus stuffed away forgotten ... some folk are diabolically like that when viewed from a neural position between extremes ... the untouchable medium! Then there is the lo' road ... there are stranger things under the midnight sun ... a subtle psyche?

Listen to the silence ... sometimes a faint whistling de XI ... something else again ... Gone with the Wind (alternate blow)! Stuff of myth and clouds ... so the story goes continuously! Poorly understood ... it may rise by times ...