How do you feel about death?

ninjafaery

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I was going to post this in Health and Ageing, but the topic seems less technical and more philosophical. "Religion and Faith" doesn't feel inclusive enough, but it's probably better than "Chips and Pop". So ignore religion freely if that's were you're at.
For many of you, an afterlife is relevant to the discussion (that's good), but I would prefer this thread doesn't go sideways with arguments about the existence of an afterlife (another thread?) Of course I can't control that, but as a favour, I just want to know people's thoughts regardless of their beliefs, or lack thereof around death.
For me dying itself isn't fearful....I fully accept my mortality. I expect many of us older people feel that way. It's getting there that scares me. What happens before we die...pain, loss of dignity etc.
 
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Luce NDs

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I was going to post this in Health and Ageing, but the topic seems less technical and more philosophical. "Religion and Faith" doesn't feel inclusive enough, but it's probably better than "Chips and Pop". So ignore religion freely if that's were you're at.
For many of you, an afterlife is relevant to the discussion (that's good), but I would prefer this thread doesn't go sideways with arguments about the existence of an afterlife (another thread?) Of course I can't control that, but as a favour, I just want to know people's thoughts regardless of their beliefs, or lack thereof around death.
For me dying itself isn't fearful....I fully accept my mortality. I expect many of us older people feel that way. It's getting there that scares me. What happens before we die...pain, loss of dignity etc.
I've heard that from several old friends now gone ... yet some that hang on desperately fear it because of uncertainty ... as their minister taught them that fear was necessary to deal with beliefs about knowledge, wisdom, etc. Never learn anything about theology, epistemology, ontology .. or even eschatology as your old sol could raise some stink about what was not prescience ... therefore not seen before! Look ahead to getting out of the rut defined as nichee ... Nich o' demos in a sapient tree as sappy?

Stuff we should know before moving on ... minimal admonishments?
 

Pavlos Maros

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Death isn't the problem the way we die is. death is going to have no more effect on me, than not being born did for all those centuries.
 

paradox3

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What leads up to death is what I fear. Poor health, loss of function, poor quality of life in general. What if I develop dementia and agitation?

And of course the dying process itself. I imagine the process of dying might involve fear (or not) but I am more worried about physical pain and/ or suffering.

If I knew in advance I had a terminal illness with a certain life expectancy, I imagine I would feel sad about leaving my loved ones.
 

BetteTheRed

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My late ex-husband was terrified to death of dying. While his medical team was talking about palliative sedation, he was begging for more chemo to "cure the cancer"... It was very sad. My mother on the other hand, had a stroke five years before she died, and was often heard to wonder, in a vicious whisper, why "God didn't finish the damned job"...
 

Mendalla

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This Death:



(From Neil Gaiman's Sandman series)

Or this one:



(From the Discworld series by Sir Terry Pratchett)
 

PilgrimsProgress

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My husband was the same, Bette - he was terrified. The memory of hearing him dry retching the day he heard his cancer was terminal remains with me.

I understood how he felt - a fear of death was something we shared. Of course I'm scare of both physical and emotional pain - but it's more than that.
Of not existing anymore, of being - nothing?.........

That said, I've had a long talk with myself about it......

My death is inevitable - it will happen and fear won't prevent it.

I want my friends and relatives to remember me well and warmly, not being in a state of fear and anxiety.

So, between then and now I have to find a way - probably through faith - to not just adjust to death's reality but to accept it calmly and feel at peace with it.
 

Mendalla

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Death is the natural and normal end of life. It happens to all things. There is no reason to fear death itself, though getting there may, as others have already suggested, have its share of fear and anxiety. I even throw down with Epicurus a bit, who taught that death is the cessation of all sensation and therefore of pain and anxiety, making it a good thing.
 

Pinga

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My sister & I visited my father this past week. It was a bad time as it turns out. He was in bed. He was quite confused. A man came into his room who was ext seeking and confused. My father had to go to the washroom,. Things got wierd. Dad got angry. He couldnt' figure out how to use a toilet.
When he tried to leave his room, he was also angry. The change in colour from room to hall made him think it was a big drop. He was mad at us. It wasn't pretty.
Then, there was a disturbance with another person.

I am not sure that is life.

My mom died relatively quickly at a ripe old age.of 85. Dad is now 92. There are few moments of joy in his life.

My father is afraid of death. i remember him in the time between Mom dying and his loss of memory being concerned about "the pearly gates".

********************

I hope to see my children become old, but, I recognize that my life has likely been shortened by my cancer diagnosis and treatment.


I am not afraid of death, but I am surely not ready for it.
I want to live.

************
 

BetteTheRed

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I had a bad asthma attack one night, many years ago. It was worse than usual; I was sitting upright and coughing to try and get a breath. And I got so tired that I sort of relaxed into it. And then I coughed and struggled and hacked again and I was awake and pissed. But damn, that relaxation felt really good and okay.
 

ChemGal

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I hope I become more comfortable with it when older. For now though, it's something that scares me, as I feel if it were to happen soon it would be premature - my time shouldn't be close to being up!
 

BetteTheRed

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I hope I become more comfortable with it when older. For now though, it's something that scares me, as I feel if it were to happen soon it would be premature - my time shouldn't be close to being up!
That's interesting from a scientific POV. I figure the biological marker is menopause, and anything I get after that is a bonus.
 

Tabitha

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Turning 60 does feel closer to the end. I know it is just one year but it feels like a bigger step.
There are still things I want to do (and I am doing).
I would love to see my grandkids and to see any or all of my 3 married.
Both my parents are alive and basically ok at mid-80s. Dad can't drive but is walking laps in the building. He is mildly confused at times-and mostly clear as a bell. (Short term memory loss-if cookies are out he will eat them everytime he goes past).

As a melanoma survivor I know the odds are very high of it re-occuring and if it gets in the lymph nodes it is 18 months left with or without chemo. . Thankful that was 18 years ago and symptom free ever since.
 

PilgrimsProgress

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Some years ago I mentioned my fear of death to a philosophy lecturer who pointed out to me that "if you can worry about death it means you're alive - so there's no need to worry. On the other hand, if you're dead you don't possess the ability to worry about anything."

She has a point.........
 

ChemGal

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That's interesting from a scientific POV. I figure the biological marker is menopause, and anything I get after that is a bonus.
I think of it as milestones, and while I don't like putting this as 'expected' I think it generally works rather than just thinking of it as numbers. Being quite healthy for the birth of grandchildren, certainly feeling aging but still fairly capable of doing daily things for grandchildrens' high school grads. Well enough to attend grandchildrens' weddings. Mental capacity to acknowledge great grandchildrens' births.
Assuming weddings and children will happen, that's what people should be able to get from life. Adjust for lack of children, grandchildren, etc.
 

ninjafaery

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I hope I become more comfortable with it when older. For now though, it's something that scares me, as I feel if it were to happen soon it would be premature - my time shouldn't be close to being up!
I think it's absolutely normal and reasonable that a younger person would fear death having so much ahead. I was afraid to even ponder it before I was 50. I had a fear that thinking about death would put me in the "tombstone club" (Jack Kornfield).
I love life too and I'm not ready to go yet.
 

Luce NDs

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Is it just me or does your Mary Oliver signature nicely caption T Pratchett's skeleton?
Tis all hidden in the bones ... must be rendered down ...

If thoughts were rendered out ... how would they look back at us?
 
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