Homemaking

Pinga

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for a number of years, my husband did it all. He cooked, shopped, laundry, grocery shopping and did the outside stuff. Youngestson did outside stuff, and did some stuff. We hired cleaners. Why? I worked really hard outside of the house, too hard somew ould say, but, it allowed for other items, plus he was retired. It worked for us. Of course, I also did all those items, but, he was definitely primary.

Time was money in our house, when demands on my time were high and, so, shopping at one grocery store, despite deals at others, was the norm, just to "get it done".

With buying the house, the workloads have shifted, as have time available coincidentally.

I am SOOO thankful that my contracts went into coma mode for a couple of months, allowing me to contribute more.
I am loving looking for sales, and cooking and baking -- made 300 meatballs for the freezer last night. They will be dinners when company is here, and hamburger was on very cheap. Made meatloafs to for us as well.
Learning about apps such as flipp and which stores price match.

I made bits and bites, both because I love them as a snack, and to have them again for when company is over, and are a nice compliment to chips. Not sure if they are cheaper, but, they are definitely cheaper than thMye other things that I would buy as compliments, such as interesting snacks.

Planning dinners well. No prepackaged food, other than to use some of the stuff up to make room in cupboards. (My husband's cooking and mine are quite different.) Cooking foods which are either the right amount, or leftovers become lunches, or go into freezer for a future stew addition. Inviting folks in, rather than going out

I am back to baking, and made cornmeal bread which they loved and have had repeat requests.

I am channeling @Seeler and her meal recommendations and how to feed a family on a budget.

This new house has two wonderful old school clotheslines. I love hanging clothes on the line, wearing gloves, and taking them off frozen.

My husband is busy doing electrical, outside work (new mailbox down the road), setting up shop, working on cars, and lots of miscellaneous chores.

So, we have fallen back into more traditional roles, yet it feels quite like a team effort.

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My question is do you have a fairly traditional role? Were there times when it was less traditional, or more traditional?



 

Tabitha

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For many years-about 18 or so I have been the sole adult. I do it, kids helped out with all chores early. Now just my 20 something youngest son and myself. He will cook if I ask him to, and we grocery shop together for our main shop. I do most of the baking and do start or plan the yardwork. Oldest son will cut down trees etc. if he is visiting.
 

Mendalla

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Since we've been living together, we've had pretty much the same division of labour.

Me: Vacuuming, washing floors, toilets, dishes, mowing lawn, some cooking, other bits as needed
She: Most cooking, dusting, bathrooms (other than toilets), laundry, other bits as needed

Little M took over the vacuuming and mowing the lawn for a few years but I'm back to doing them since he moved out.

Car and computer stuff tends to fall to me, former because she knows even less than I do and latter because, well, it's my day job so I kind of know what I'm doing.

Handyman stuff I handle but only up to a point. I'm not terribly handy, but will do simple jobs. If water or electricity is involved, though, I tend to call in the pros.

Not sure if any of that is traditional or not. It's just what works for us as a family.
 

Jae

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Washing floors - Yobo and Jae.
Toilets - Yobo and Jae.
Dishes - Yobo and Jae.
Cooking - Yobo and Jae.
Garbage - Yobo and Jae.
Laundry - Yobo.
Cleaning up after puppy - Yobo.
Vacuuming - robots.
 

BetteTheRed

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I do everything that gets done, pretty well. When my old guy comes over, usually once a week, he will do small repair projects if they're within his talent range - simple electrical, like replacing a wall switch, and basic carpentry. I have a service to plow the driveway; the front and back porches (the back doesn't really get done; just have to be able to open the door outwards for the dog...) are mine to shovel. Summertime I try to convince kid or boarder (if I've got one) to cut grass, for a price, just because it tends to trigger my allergies. Otherwise, I do it...

OTOH, quite frankly, when I was married, I did everything that got done, pretty well, as well. The Little Red Hen story speaks to me...

It's usually a bit of a mess around here...
 

ChemGal

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I do most of the 'mental load' type stuff. Chemguy did take over the investments though as there were times when I didn't have the mental energy for that and I just never swapped back with it.
Handwashing dishes he does. Dishwasher he does the majority but I certainly do pitch in with that too. Vacuuming I do.
Garbages he mostly does, although I tend to take care of all the upstairs ones.
Laundry we tend to do our own, I'll do the joint stuff although I'll get him to carry stuff up/down for me depending on if I'm feeling up to it.
Swapping hand towels, putting toilet paper and kleenex in bathrooms is me.
Groceries we both do, although if it's online ordering I do it. When we actually meal plan that's mostly on me, I also tend to put the lists together although he does contribute a bit to that.
Outdoor stuff is almost all him besides the garden (which he helps with) and the tiny bit of shoveling and sanding I'll do.
I organize the cleaners and if we pay to have the driveway shovelled (when Chemguy's out of town/sick/injured). I also clear most of the clutter first.
When it comes to inbetween cleaning I'm more likely to notice little things and spend time on a small area. He's more likely to do something like steam clean the floors completely.
The fish are all him besides the feeding I do when he's away.
Little jobs around the house mostly him, there are some things I'll do too, but I find I often don't have the necessary hand strength. I'll often help him out or figure out what needs to be done though.
 

Carolla

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Over the years we have shifted back & forth a fair bit. Before kids we shared most tasks, including renovation of our house. After second kid I switched to part time work, and so I did the majority of home tasks & taking kids to their appointments & activities etc. As a teacher, my mate was often busy with marking & prep in evenings and on weekends - but in the summer it was all him! He retired 15 years before I did - so he took over most of the the inside household tasks & has become very accomplished! Now I've retired & so we're working on ways to weave me back into the fabric of household life ... it's been a bit tricky after 15 years, but slowly it's coming along. I have usually done all the gardening, and often lawn mowing too, but he's taken the mowing back :) and he trims hedges & does ladder work because I have a bit of vertigo. Our older neighbours used to ask me when I was mowing - "where's your husband?" I'd reply - "oh he's inside vacuuming or doing laundry or cooking me dinner." Raised a few eyebrows. He does the 'handyman' tasks - but I'm learning more.
 

Pinga

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I think it is good to learn more about all regular activities, should one end up alone, or needing to do.
My spouse semireired 14 years ago, so definitely was part of the shift.
 

ChemGal

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I think it is good to learn more about all regular activities, should one end up alone, or needing to do.
My spouse semireired 14 years ago, so definitely was part of the shift.
It's not possible all the time though.
 

ChemGal

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@ChemGal , what tasks do you put into the mental load?
Some of them I included in the list - keeping in mind when people we pay will be showing up, actually paying them, messaging them, etc. Having in mind what we need for groceries. Important dates - birthdays and that sort of thing, also the things we need for that like buying gifts. In general, I just have things in mind of what needs to be done, it's hard to pinpoint it all, right now as an example, I know the Christmas wreath is still in the basement whereas something like that just isn't on his mind. If he has left his cellphone or wallet somewhere he can wake me up and at least 50% of the time I can tell him where it is, half asleep. I tend to be bad with setting my keys down, especially when I'm bringing in other things and setting them down on a side table or counter and it's very rare where he will have any idea where they are, even if he put down mail on top of them.
 

DaisyJane

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This is a bit of sore spot in our relationship.

When we were first married we had a relatively equal division of labour. This was very important to me and I planned to continue working after having kids. When we did our marriage prep classes with the church we were supposed to draw a picture of where we wanted to be in five years. My stick figure was standing on the lawn of a house holding a briefcase and a baby - meaning I wanted it all, and I wanted to share responsibilities.

Then the kids arrived. After baby number one things stayed relatively equal. I taught at a local community college and eldest spend time at a babysitters. Husband still shared much of the household and parenting tasks. It worked.

And then Matthew and youngest arrived. I tried to make it work for a while. I was still teaching at the college and was attempting to begin work on a PhD, but it became pretty obvious after a bit that one of us was going to have to stay home to manage the caregiving needs of Matthew, in particular, but to be fair all three kids were young.

Once I became the stay at home parent I also became responsible for pretty much everything in the home and I remain responsible for everything to this day, including all the emotional/mental work. My husband has a job with very demanding hours, and works in a male dominated, old-boys law firm, so it was very easy for him to simply back away and allow me to do everything. Over the years, even as I began doing more outside the home again, he has failed to start picking things up. To be fair he averages about a 70+hr work week, but still, it is a sticking point. So not only do I do all the housework, caregiving, and meal prep, I also manage the budget, coordinate care, pay bills, deal with our financial advisor about retirement savings, take out the garbage, plan family holidays, purchase gifts, plan social activities, makes sure the cars have snow tires, walk the dog, and worry about making sure everything gets done and everyone living in our home has what they need. I am also the family confidante, support person, and the go-to person for getting people out of a tough spot. My husband manages his job, I manage everything else. The boys will help if asked, and generally do their own work (ie: laundry, tidy bedrooms) and so on. They are both at an age where they are very busy (jobs, school, extracurriculars, friends) and aren't often home which impedes their ability to regularly help. I worry because they grew up with a much more traditional division labour than I would have liked. I am not happy about that role modeling.

A few months ago I finally broke down and hired a housecleaner who comes every other week to clean bathrooms and tackle some other key chores.
 

Pinga

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It isn't simple. As we have discussed before, I think that our family roles were reversed for a while to @DaisyJane 's. My partner also did all the coaching of sports teams, and taking to and from the games. I was lucky in my work, as I could come home for dinner, be with the family, then log back in after they had gone to bed, or work really long hours when i was away, and then less when home. That helped me participate in the life of the boys, but, not so much the homemaking.

I could see us continuing in this way, had we not moved. The move shook things up enough, combined with the work shift to allow (force?) me to reintegrate.

@Carolla , it's the patterns that are interesting as well. I have my mother's patterns of laundry days "strip the sheets everyone", and cooking. Very different from how my husband grew up. Luckily the results are good, and there is so much going on, that the shift hasn't been too hard.
 

Luce NDs

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Icon of a world flipping out ... the brutes won't like it ... as the drummers beats the time for men! They were beaten before they began ... as women can be as brute as malevolence ... due response?

Thus comings and goings ... of wealth and poverty ... as separate degrees of magnitude in variant angels ... diversity of the essence?

Abstraction ... stipulation of poor stitches ... thus RIPS in the fabrications ... and filmy dark activities of horsemen in the Knight? Jainism mistaken as Jean ... jumped upon Johns ... passover jinns? Essence of indigo spirits ... thus blown ... false inflation!
 

Lastpointe

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We have a pretty traditional division of chores

He does finances, bills, planning. But then he worked in the field so has a skill set I don’t. Because he is now more medically unstable, the money now all rolls through my accounts so I am on top of it. And he now has me meet with our managers etc

He also does repairs. I might do basic things.

I do the home, health care, kids , cooking. Though he is a good shopper with a list

Our biggest issue has consistently been that I have more tolerance for mess. So the compromise is a monthly cleaning lady. She does the heavy work and I keep it more or less neat after. Oddly I have low tolerance for things out of place but high tolerance for dust
 

Pinga

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@Lastpointe - my grandmother was from yorkshire, and I grew up with the expression (or direction): "Side ....", as in Side those shoes, or side that stack of paper. It means to put it away.

i too do not like stuff sitting. I am not as obsessed as some of my siblings, but, I love the look of a home that has stuff put in their place. Hiring a housecleaning team helped, as everyone had to put stuff away so they could clean. It helped.

I am liking the application "flipp" for shopping.
 

Seeler

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I am channeling @Seeler and her meal recommendations and how to feed a family on a budget.
That's an old'n, golden from the original Wunder Café I think that every now and then.
Our needs change over time. Meals require that we have time, energy, and finances for planning, shopping, and cooking. Certainly an older retired couple require less that a busy family with teenage children and one or both parents doing physical work. My priority is now foods that are easy to eat (cutting small bites, chewing and swallowing). Also, to be considered, is ease of preparation when I have run out of steam at the end of the day and don't have the energy to cook a meal. it is good to be able to reach into the freezer for frozen spaghetti sauce, a lasagna, chicken wings in sauce - things that can be stuck in the oven or even in the microwave. Or open a can of beans.

When only cooking for one or two people, individually packaged, prepared foods can be an economical choice. Not so when you for a family.
Sometimes when I have a free morning when my energy level is higher, I'll prepare a bigger meal – roast pork, beef stew, salmon casserole – that will be the main course over several days.
 

Luce NDs

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J'eez ... I like to cook ... but the mate does hate to see me in the kitchen that she seems to have OCB about ...

Then Trump's best friend has a landing spot in South America ... a possessive trend?

Human's appear to be like that ... makes me alien ... right? So far in Runes of giggles about human ignorance about cooperative just ICes ...
 

Pinga

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I wonder how google has made it easier for us.

Here is an example. I wanted to have eggs available for quick breakfasts in the next few days. . I googled egg muffins
Recipe popped up. Hmm, it has spinach. I have some spinach that I found in the old freezer from 2014. Seems fine. Got it out. Threw in some red pepper that needed using up. doubled the recipe. Made a dozen egg muffins. Had 2 for lunch. yumm.

I often google materials that i have on hand and see what recipes show up.

Did another one with chicken thighs (had got out of the freezer), slow cooker (didn't want to watch) and tomatos sauce.
Chicken cacciatore showed up. Used up the leftover sauce from the other night and I threw on some mozarella cheese that I wanted to consume. Made it , delicious dinner.

Do you find that google (or other search engines) have expanded your dinner choices from your standards.

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Note: I am using fannie farmer cookbook to make treats and breads. Love that cookbook. Just made date pudding cake yumm.
 

revjohn

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Pinga said:
My question is do you have a fairly traditional role? Were there times when it was less traditional, or more traditional?


I am a better cook than is Kimberly. For the sake of the family then I cook.
Kimberly is more of a neat freak than I am. For her sanity Kimberly takes lead in the cleaning aspect. She may delegate some chores because I being less of a neat freak do not have such a problem with the more dirty cleaning chores.
Kimberly as a University Professor clearly brings home more bacon than I do as a minister of The United Church of Canada. She is also far more cautious around money so she is the financial team leader.
Removing wildlife that has entered the house. That is me.
Removing food that has gone bad. That is me.
Cleaning up after the pup. That is me.
Clearing the snow, mowing the lawn, felling trees that are listing badly and may eventually fall on some one or thing. That is me.
Running here and there to pick up some thing, person or other. Also me.

Not really big on traditional roles. We each do what we are good at and it is done for the benefit of all.
 
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