What expectations were set about you?

[Pinga]

EDITTED: The poll seeks to understand what expectations you have for your children.

I am also curious, what expectations were set for you, but, that is more about how society has shifted. Here is a more general question.

As a person growing up , what expectations were set about you in terms of relationships and children?

 

[paradox3]

As a person growing up , what expectations were set about you in terms of relationships and children?

It was more or less assumed I would marry a man and probably have children. But I did not experience this as a strong expectation.

Now, the expectation I would attend university. . . that was a powerful one!

 

[Mendalla]

Is the poll about my expectations for my child? Because that's how you've worded it.

For my own, part I think my parents expected marriage and grandchildren but certainly didn't push it. They were happy when Mrs. M came into my life and Mom happily helped with the wedding (though as church secretary, some of it was technically work for her). That said, I never had indication that they would have been disappointed if I had gone the bachelor academic route that I considered at one point (they didn't know that, of course).

For Little M, I am good with what works for him. As he has not dated (or at least not introduced us to his dates), I'm not even sure of his orientation at this point.

 

[Pinga]

The poll is for the expectations of our children. You are correct.
I am also curious how that has shifted from when we were kids.

 

[Pinga]

It was more or less expected that I would marry, and that I would marry a male.
Norm was to have kids, but, not sure if there were expectations as mom had lots of grandchildren.

I think that I should have had another category in the poll.
I don't think that I expect my kids to do anything, and i have always used the word "if" or "whatever gender" , but, i am thrilled to beign tin the grandparent role with at least one child.

If either of them hadnt' found a partner, then I would hope that they would find a good set of friends.

 

[Mendalla]

BTW, I'll be interested to see if there is a gender split on this question. Mrs. M is itching to be a grandma, which is quite the opposite of me.

 

[GordW]

I expect them to find the path that works best for them. NOt sure which option in the poll that fits.

 

[Pinga]

I expect them to find the path that works best for them. NOt sure which option in the poll that fits.

probably no expectation of marriage or children. You are allowing them to choose what is right and intentionally not setting expectations.

 

[Mrs.Anteater]

Not really expectation, but hope to eventually be a grandma. Since they are only 23 and 21, I’d rather they take some time until they can afford children.
I was the youngest of four siblings and by the time I married, the others already were. My parents were more expressing to keep me home and single for their own benefit. However, I have an older sister who also was very christian and was the first one to be married, who constantly expressed that “ don’t worry, you will also find someone to marry” in a tone of consolation- while I never found a need to be consoled. That was very annoying and created some pressure. By the time I was 32 and after a few more or less catastrophic boyfriends, I felt a bit of “ now or never” and thought that my husband would be the best one I could get.
Did not work out that way.

 

[Seeler]

Parental hopes and expectations -

I think that when I was a child in school my mother saw posibilites that I might finish highschool and escape the smallsettlement I grew up in - perhaps Teachers' College in 'town'. Eventually she probably expected that I would meet someone, marry and have children. After she died I don't think anyone had any hopes or expectations of me.

For my children I took it for granted that they would attend university and find meaningful opportunities. I hoped that they would each find a life partner' hopefully get married and have children.

For my grandchildren, I've learned not to be too specific in my hopes and expectations. I hope that they will be happy and fulfilled.

 

[KayTheCurler]

I hope for each of my kids to follow a path that they find brings
satisfaction.

I was expected to find a partner of the opposite sex and marry between the ages of 18 and 20. When that didn't happen the expectation changed to 'As an old maid you will be useful to us in our old age'. To be honest, this came mostly from my dad. At 21 I moved to Canada and spent very little time with my birth family after that. A few trips back plus the holidays some of them had here.

 

[paradox3]

Thinking about this has me remembering that my wedding day brought my parents much happiness. And I felt the same way on the days of my daughters' weddings. They both lived with their husbands before marriage which would have been unheard of in my day.

My parents were pleased to become grandparents and delighted with the arrival of their first great-grandchild.

I love being a grandmother myself. I don't think I ever put any expectation about marriage or children on my girls. I might ask them and see what they have to say about it.

 

[Jae]

I have two sons - both of whom are in their late 20's. The oldest is already married and has a daughter. I expect the youngest to either stay single or to eventually marry a woman.

 

[Lastpointe]

I put down I expect them to marry opposite gender and have children but that is mostly because both are in committed relationships

When they were kids, I did expect them to attend university

Funny event when my son was in grade 4. When school got out he went to his buddy’s house. The parents had given him a Nintendo 64 for passing grade 4. Now this boy had a January birthday and I expect the parents just wanted an excuse for a summer gift

But my son came home and asked me what I was giving him for graduating from grade 4. I replied and hug and kiss. Then I said, it was my expectation he would graduate from elementary school, and high school and university. Then he would get a gift

Perhaps a bit harsh when I think back but I felt like our generation of parents was busy rewarding everything. Birthday gifts for all, not just the birthday girl, award ribbons for participating.......

 

[Lastpointe]

Pretty sure my parents expected me to marry and have kids and be a good mom.

 

[Jae]

I have two sons - both of whom are in their late 20's. The oldest is already married and has a daughter. I expect the youngest to either stay single or to eventually marry a woman.

As for my siblings and I, our parents wanted us to either stay single or else marry someone of the opposite sex and have kids. Most of us did the latter.

 

[ChemGal]

I'm surprised to hear so much about the expectation of University. I was an excellent student, but that still wasn't an expectation my parents had - they expected some type of post-secondary, but I don't think it would have surprised them if I had chosen one of the healthcare tech types of things. (Thinking when I was in early teens, by grade 11 it was more obvious I was going to university). For my sister it would have been even less surprising if she had, as it was she was accepted into one program in university, turned it down, took a year off, started a new plan for university which changed when she entered her 2nd year.

There was a hope for grandchildren, not sure if it was expected. There was an expectation we would be married before having kids. I think marriage in general was expected, and to men.

 

[BetteTheRed]

There was no expectation in my family that I would complete any post-secondary education, except that I seemed "quite bright". I had a brief horrible experience with full-time University that I found alienating, frightening, and got no realistic support for. I've never quite given up on the idea that I might one day cobble together some sort of degree. I probably have enough credits for 2 degrees, but major path (biology to geography to economics to english) never really came together.

There was a social expectation that I would get married and want to have children. I didn't really want children, but he did, so we did. I love my children very much, but from a practical pov, the genetic mixture of "crazy" was probably not optimal. I don't really think that I will have grandchildren (I have a biological grandchild in Oz whom I have met once); and have no expectations of same. Neither of my children identify as completely straight, so...

 

[Mendalla]

I'm surprised to hear so much about the expectation of University.

I think we had that expectation, esp. once he was identified as gifted. Anything else would be a waste of talent and bore him.

 

[Jae]

There was no expectation set before us when it came to postsecondary studies. That said, we all graduated from college, university and/or seminary, earning credentials from diplomas to a PhD.